Nightlife Myths That Should Die

by Pete Tremblay
11.28.2011


Have you ever been behind the velvet rope, standing crossed armed and patient while queuing for your favorite night spot, when suddenly, "He" arrives. With the confidence of the ultimate insider, he isn’t even bothered to lower his sunglasses as he walks directly to the door, bypassing the gawking masses as the reflection of the street lights bounces off his leather shoes and shines directly into your eyes. Wordlessly, he shakes the hand of the promoter, points to the entourage of Victoria's Secret models he happened to grace with his accompaniment. With a quick nod, the bouncers open both doors as his entourage enters. A spotlight shines on him as he disappears behind those same closing doors. It’s good to be king - he’s got the golden ticket. He knows the promoter. His drinks are on the house, and the after-after party is being held in his name. Hugh Hefner's got nothing on him. At least that seems to be the hushed whisper circulating through the commoners still waiting in line.

This is an example of a nightlife fairytale - a myth of epic proportions only comparable to that of the existence of unicorns and Narnia. The promoter will "hook you up." You will be king. Women will flock to you exactly as is depicted in an Axe body spray commercial.

There are plenty of myths surrounding the nightlife VIP experience; and being a good source that really cares, we're here to give you the bad news. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Here are certain nightlife myths that have plagued the minds of many.


1. Being on the list will guarantee you entry. – Recently a social network revolution has taken place to the tune of, “Like this page and you will be put on the guestlist for next Thursday’s event.” We’ve been in the doldrums of the line before and you know that when you’re on the list YOU'RE ON THE LIST. You’re the king of the castle and everyone knows it.

Unfortunately…
As much as this sounds like a legit way to bypass the crowd and upgrade your VIP caste, being on a list will never actually guarantee you are getting in. A promoter's job is to get people into the club, and telling potential guests that they are on a list will help bolster the attendance. This isn’t complete BS - you might get in before those paying their dues behind the velvet rope, but still, if the club is full of beautiful people that are actual VIP’s, your nearly as likely to get in as those in line.

2. Wearing the most expensive suit/clothes will have the bouncer part the sea – They say that the clothes make the man, and with this in mind you’ve dressed to the nines tonight. Surely if you look important, and have spent loads of cash on your finest designer suit, bouncers are going recognize the glamour of your up-and-coming celebrity and let you in.

Unfortunately…
Everyone else had that great idea as well. Although you truly look the part, you are not Ryan Gosling. In the business of nightlife, it's not who you think you know, but it’s who knows you. Better start moving and shaking!

3. Bottle service will "get" you the girl – Surely any man who goes to the lengths to shower his wealth upon his entourage and spring for bottle service has status, style, and celebrity. Any woman who glances upon those sparklers in the Grey Goose will surely be hypnotized by his spell. He is the reincarnation of James Dean and Casanova combined.

Unfortunately…
Yes, the call of the Goose is enticing, and when she comes sauntering over while staring you down the way that you’ve always fantasized about, you know she is after something… free drinks. She might sit on your lap, lean over just a bit more than usual to show you what she’s brought along for the evening, but most likely as soon as the Goose has flown, so does this flighty bird.

4. All promoters can get you the same perks – When the promotions company's name is in lights and touted as those responsible for the amazing night to come, they basically own the place for the evening. They make the rules and so do their generals. You met the dude with the logo T-shirt and flyers last week and he said he he's "got you covered." Jameson will flow like water in the streets of Venice! For logo shirt guy told me so.

Unfortunately...
Unless logo shirt guy owns the company, is wearing a suit because, well, he wants to look better than those he's working for, and has the ability to stroll around and pal around with club owners, this isn't the guy with the keys to the kingdom. Promoters, especially those for larger venues, generally are categorized in tiers of responsibility and superpowers, such as the ability to get you in and get you drunk for free. But unless they happen to be the boss, or at very least, assistant to the boss, chances are you aren’t going to be collecting that “open bar all night long” perk any time soon. 


5. The headlining DJ starts playing once the doors open. -  How many times do we see a flyer stating the headliner in huge letters “Doors open at 9 PM sharp, don’t be late” and think, "Oh my God, Deadmau5 is playing at 9 PM on a Friday night! He is going to be spinning from open to close! Best night ever."

Unfortunately…
Deadmau5 is having the best night ever… in the green room… away from his turntables… with free booze and women, all over him, sipping Johnny Walker Blue from his giant mouse head and laughing it up while the opening acts smooth out the kinks in the crowd. No headliner ever goes on first. The ambiguity of the flyer was designed to draw you in early… and make you stay, and chug drink after drink after drink, until Deadmau5 is good and ready to hop up there and throw down to a nicely lubricated crowd…at 1 AM.


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