Visions for the New Year

by Humberto Guida
01.13.2011


In the waning minutes of New Year’s Eve, I was standing in the middle of a crowd watching the amusingly risqué Boulet Brothers, creators and owners of the infamous Miss Kitty’s Parlour and Cabaret at the Dragonfly in Hollywood, host a New Year’s Eve edition of their notoriously depraved electro-fetish night. I was caught up in a euphoric wave of positivity. Up on the stage was James Boulet. With a bottle of champagne in one hand and a microphone in the other, he gave one of the most momentous, uplifting sermons I’ve ever heard.

“You know I don’t do this, but as we count down the last minutes of 2010 let me say that I know it’s been a tough couple of years for a lot of us,”  James Boulet yelled to the crowd, “But I’m here to tell you it’s only gonna be better this year. We’re coming back. We’re breaking through. The most important thing is that you finally do whatever it is you really want to do. Now is the time. It’s gonna be a great year.”

I partied my ass off last New Year’s and every year before that, but I gotta admit, as I walked through the crowd and kissed random girls and high-fived random guys and even hugged a weirdo dressed as a lion, I picked up on genuinely good vibe, and it had nothing to do with the rolls I dropped. Everybody was saying it. “I feel it. This year is really going to be better.”

Now I know our country is still in a jam, a lot of us are broke, and some people are going apeshit, and shooting innocent folks. But the mood among the young, up-to-this-point jaded scenesters is getting more optimistic. I think we’ve finally put a cap in last decade’s ass and it’s time for a brighter better day, and night. Besides, weren’t the 2000s, or whatever the last decade is called, cheesy as hell? I present you with Cisco, Crocs, preppie-popped collars, Sarah Palin, Snuggies, too many celebrities famous for nothing, Ed Hardy, Tweeting about your mundane daily errands, the war on terror, the continuing war on drugs, and I’m still not sure how to feel about the comeback of skinny jeans for guys. 

So here’s what I’m laying down as hopes for better nightlife everywhere in 2011, a year that I am sure will be awesome:

       
1)
    Lawmakers need to lay off the raves. For every time a kid ends up in the hospital because of drugs, you have twenty less bully beat-downs, shootings, or stabbings because while yes, kids might experiment with drugs at raves, there’s evidence to show they’re not getting into as many violent altercations at the illicit parties (kids on E are more peaceful than rowdy drunk kids, that’s just the truth).

We should improve drug awareness so these kids know how dangerous these substances are and that they can die from doing them. But at the end of the day, I’d rather have a generation of silly hippies who have somewhere to go and do the things young people do in a relatively safe controlled environment, than a bunch of kids running around on the streets looking for trouble.

2)    They should revise the federal RAVE Act which holds promoters responsible for any narcotics sold, possessed or consumed at their parties, to remove the extent of their liability, but demand they provide adequate security, water, and bathrooms for any event (more cheap, available water, and a couple of the rave incidents that have garnered attention from the authorities, especially in L.A. after the Electric Daisy Festival last year, would have been less severe).

3)    We need a market correction on the price of alcohol at nightclubs. Offer up some inexpensive alternatives to the 14 dollar cocktail. Clubs should also come up with a system that sets aside a few for VIP tables where you can buy just one bottle and have the table for two hours. Maybe one cheaper brand of vodka on the bottle menu. There needs to be a more viable option for people who want to have a good time but can’t break the bank to do it.

4)     Girls need to stop dancing in a circle with each other and start dancing with us, unless they’re into other girls and then, by all means, continue.

5)    I don’t care if you are an aficionado of a particular sound, whether it’s hip-hop, indie rock, electro, house, or some new obscure electronic music genre, variety is always good. Don’t be a beat snob.

6)    A more open attitude to open sex. If you’ve been reading this blog, you probably get the hint that I’m a freak. Now I used to be one of these kids who went out as much for the music and the scene, as I did to meet girls. But now that I’m older I realize this whole nightlife thing is built for people to let off steam and then hook up. So provide that red light feel to the club scene, it’s good for our collective libido. Parties like the aforementioned Miss Kitty’s at Dragonfly or Voyeur in L.A. or the Cathouse in Las Vegas amp up sexual atmosphere and appeal to both genders. So make it sexy time, more fetishy themes, go go dancers (girls and guys, what the hell), and people getting down in the VIP. Get liberated, but be safe, use a protection, like a whip or some furry cuffs.

7)    Celebrities need to start partying at more random places. Enough of this faux promoting for pay, just come show up somewhere and surprise everyone. They’ll like you if you’re famous.

8)    Let’s all make time to have a drink and shake our booties together. First round is on you.


I can see you… but not like, in a stalker way or anything like that.
- HG

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