The Promiscuity of Promotion

by JRL
02.22.2010

Absolut(ly) Free*

*Some restrictions may apply.

Club promoters may be the sleaziest pimps in nightlife; however, the vocation has great comedic capacity. Days spent spamming via Facebook and BBM and nights spent slinging Svedka to the bottom 10% of the South Shore isn’t all these guys have in store.

Why do clubs work with promoters?
Promoters and their evening prey are the nightlife equivalents of award show seat-fillers. Venues below revenue table capacity hire human scenery under smoke-and-mirror pretenses. These orchestrated tables, filled with the esteemed performers of the B&T Fellatio Philharmonic, start moving to the birthright-beats of a remixed Snoop Dog Shofar (the horn, not the guy who drives me to Synagogue). Now comes the job of the maestro promoter: conduct louder than the “Fiddler on the Roof” to make the revenue tables believe they’re not alone in the concert hall.

In full disclosure, I’ve accepted drinks from promoters, and with the same level of sick satisfaction I get from watching my cleaning lady pick up a used condom. The observation of a promoter’s “work” never gets older than the girls they host. It is the job of the promoter to fuel these repulsive “Manhattan Projects” often followed by an “I-495 E-ZPass ride back to Oceanside.” The only thing sleazier than the pimps themselves are the women who frequent their tables. It takes a certain caliber of girl to show up for a 2 a.m. grain-giveaway.

Who are these boundless bottle bimbettes? They all seem to have the same blueprint. Truthfully, the only time I’ve seen a greater collection of Michelle watches and Coach bags was at 5 a.m. on QVC, just before my Ambien kicked in. From my professional research, I’ve determined that if D.T.F. were a sorority, these coeds would pledge their allegiance as if L.I.U. stood for “Lick It Up.” Promoter partisans are strictly there to serve their purpose: to be “taken down” faster than a Tiger Woods endorsement, followed by an after party catered with lines of “Plan B.” Are all Promoter Pollys diagnosed with “go-down syndrome?” Of course not, but non-revenue buyer beware: at a promoter's table, the only thing free is the HPV.

Click here to follow JRL on Facebook and Twitter. For more JEWced be sure to check back every Monday at clubplanet.com/jrl.

The comments stated in this column are Justin Ross Lee's personal opinions and do not represent the opinion of Clubplanet.com or any one of its parent companies.

 

follow Clubplanet @  
More About Nightlife
Click here for RSS feed
Above & Beyond Announce New Album for 2018
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 15.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica}p.p2 {margin:...
The ClubPlanet Interview: Sir Ivan
Sir Ivan is a musical superhero.  Dressed in a bejeweled cape; his mission is to...
Music for the Masses
A roundup of great house, electro, progressive, pop and vocal dance tracks. Wolfgang...
Music for the Masses
A roundup of great house, electro, progressive, hardstyle and vocal dance tracks. GoodLuck -...
SUNDAY FUNDAY:  True2Life ft Lady Bunny - (For You) I’ll Wait
Sunday Funday:  True2Life ft Lady Bunny - (For You) I’ll Wait - [UNIQUE2RHYTHM] The...
SUNDAY FUNDAY:  Steven Redant & Peyton - Let It Shine
SUNDAY FUNDAY:  Steven Redant & Peyton - Let It Shine - [SWISHCRAFT] “Let it Shine”...
Music for the Masses: Miami Music Edition
Special Miami edition - the best new music we heard on South Beach during Miami Music Week and...
SUNDAY FUNDAY: Afro Bros ft Ghetto Flow - 18+
SUNDAY FUNDAY:   Afro Bros ft Ghetto Flow - 18+ - [SPINNIN] People throw a lot of...
Tags
drinks     facebook     jrl     nightclub     promoters     snoopdogg     svedka

Log in here to submit a tag

CP Buzz on facebook

Music for the Masses
A roundup of great house, electro, progressive, pop and vocal dance tracks. Wolfgang...
Music for the Masses
A roundup of great house, electro, progressive, hardstyle and vocal dance tracks. GoodLuck -...
SUNDAY FUNDAY:  True2Life ft Lady Bunny - (For You) I’ll Wait
Sunday Funday:  True2Life ft Lady Bunny - (For You) I’ll Wait - [UNIQUE2RHYTHM] The...
SUNDAY FUNDAY:  Steven Redant & Peyton - Let It Shine
SUNDAY FUNDAY:  Steven Redant & Peyton - Let It Shine - [SWISHCRAFT] “Let it Shine”...
Music for the Masses: Miami Music Edition
Special Miami edition - the best new music we heard on South Beach during Miami Music Week and...
Above & Beyond Announce New Album for 2018
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 15.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica}p.p2 {margin:...
The ClubPlanet Interview: Sir Ivan
Sir Ivan is a musical superhero.  Dressed in a bejeweled cape; his mission is to...
The ClubPlanet Interview: Dave Winnel
Doing interviews is a challenge for DJs.  They are often stuck in a room answering the same...
The ClubPlanet Interview: Junior J
Spinnin is the breeding ground for the next generation of DJ talent.   Martin Garrix,...
The ClubPlanet Interview: Rodg
Armin van Buuren called Rodg “one of the best producers of 2016” and when you listen to his album...