I have a very open-minded girlfriend. Tangent note, I’ve always heard it’s a standard for public personalities or wannabes like me to keep any of their personal romantic relationships a secret. Most pretend to be single, because common perception is that it will make you more attractive to opposite (and some same) sex fans.
Well, screw that. I have a girlfriend. I’m off the market (to the dismay of two, maybe even three of you readers). And like I said, she’s open minded, except about me posting her pics online, that won’t fly. So you will have to use your imagination about what she looks like. But back to her open-mindedness, when on my birthday she took me to a nightclub that features female dancers in various S & M influenced garb doing the go-go thing on the bars and speakers. It’s sultry but classy. It’s not a strip club by any means, although some media lists it as such.
The club is Voyeur in West Hollywood. It made national headlines when a group of Republican politicians, including several party heads, racked up a $2,000 creeping over the topless dancers who perform scenes of the fetish persuasion on the club’s center stage. Needless to say I was psyched to be going.
When I arrive I must admit it was much tamer than I expected. Maybe it’s because I’ve attended actual fetish parties (yes where people are actually being whipped and chained among other things), or because I figured 50 Shades of Grey would just up the ante on the acceptance of kink. But Voyeur is not that different from other clubs that features hired dancers in theme. Just that these women were topless.
I did notice one thing.
Now, I’m not trying to pull this column down to the lowest common denominator, but it was just so obvious to see, that all of the dancers had A-cups. So at the risk of coming off as an immature frat boy who focuses on things like the size of breasts being bared for mixed company at a nightclub by my house, bear with me.
I have a theory.
I think that for a nightclub to be appealing to both men and more importantly the women that bring them in, female dancers performing topless need not be, let’s just say well endowed (likewise I heard all the guys in that new male stripper movie Magic Mike have tamed packages, just in case a few poor boyfriends get dragged to see it).
It makes sense right? For some women, dancers with buxom breasts dancing atop of the bar they order their flavored martini from can be a little intimidating, and for the male patrons, they can be very distracting.
So I just had to wonder what the hiring process was like. Did breast size come up during the interviews? I asked Voyeur [promoter Damien Torres, whether there was a bias against voluptuous women here.
“No, I just think we’re trying to blend in that sex show aspect of the club into the party aspect. And it can’t be too in your face,” Torres explained to me by the bar during his Friday night event. He also added, “I have nothing to do with the hiring here…”
For a woman’s prospective, I go to my girlfriend, who I will go ahead and divulge is more than a handful (and all natural). She says, “Big boobs are also very motherly if their natural, and you don’t want to be reminded of motherhood at the club. Big fake boobs out in the air are just crass. So small ones keep things from getting inappropriate,” she offers.
The only really inappropriate thing going down at Voyeur is that they have a dancer stationed atop the bar. And she comes close to knocking over drinks from time to time. Now that is distracting, because I spent half the night cheering for a spill.
Am I drawing a grander, broader socio-political conclusion from all this? No I’ll let you do that. I just had to point this out. And maybe, by my next column, I’ll have grown up.