January 10, 2007
Strippers, Guns and Books
-Naomi
Some people go to church. Others sit in sedentary flora and fauna poses. But what’s the use in trying to cleanse your insides when our world is full of abject poverty and warfare?
I say, embrace the world for the filth that it is. Embrace it so hard that your head squeezes through its battered backside, up through its sin-soaked intestines and out its gaping potty mouth. And while you’re at it, strike up a convo with fellow impenitent like Rosie Perez, Joan Rivers, Ivana Trump, and Perez Hilton.
Suzanne Bartsch’s and Kenny Kenny’s playground of mottled mayhem is the authority on celebrating sin in style. Which is why snark-czar Michael Musto and toilet-tongued Cazwell decided to release (aaah) their latest works there this Tuesday night.
The Village Voice’s Michael Musto, crowned "the Hunter S. Thompson of snark," unleashed La Dolce Musto in one big 368-page helping. Finally, we can ingest his grimy gossip without having to peel apart a rain-soaked weekly. At last night’s gathering, Musto floated anxiously in his billowing pirate shirt from one group to another, like a frenzied ship out at sea.
The highlight of the low-brow evening was a performance by up-and-coming rapper Cazwell, who proves to the world that dirty can come in 
a most delicious package. Armed with gun-laden chains and a sweaty brigade of pre-stripped dancers, Cazwell mounted, rocked, and busted a load of nasty, nimble lyrics that threw the crowd into fag-tastic ecstasy. The special cameos by Avenue D, Peppermint, and Amanda Lepore were pearl-necklaced icing on the chocolate cake.
For those who missed the show, the club stayed stocked with gender-bending cuties vacillating between Room Service and Tens Gentleman’s Club. The latter housed a foot-long dong dangling from a nest of ones and tens… although, no word on whether the serpent was alive, fake, or just another wet dream.
I closed the night early, eschewing standing in stilettos for a quick cab ride home. But on the way back, I couldn’t help but wonder about my status on St. Peter’s roster sheet. I don’t think I have to worry after tonight.. that is, as long as God is grading us all on a curve.
----CLICK HERE FOR MORE OF THIS PARTY'S PHOTOS----
Catch Cazwell's sinfully entertaining performance below:
Continue reading "Strippers, Guns and Books"
Posted by nbaria at 06:00 PM | Comments (1)
January 08, 2007
NYPD: Nightlife is the New Iraq
-Jeff Wilser
As you might have heard, over the weekend, the NYPD continued the new nightlife policy of "shock and awe."
They shut down Crobar, which begs the question, where will it end? Is this really accomplishing anything except smothering local businesses, pissing off thousands of clubbers, and turning 27th Street into a sea of blaring sirens?
If that's the goal of the NYPD, well, then Mission Accomplished.
Of course, Crobar is only the beginning. There is more work to be done. The many clubs along 27th Street pour alcohol late into the night, spread sin, increase the risk of violence. The NYPD, wisely, now recognizes this street as the axis of crime, or axis of evil, if you will.
In the spirit of shutting down clubs, Clubplanet recommends 5 additional steps for victory:
1) Ban liquor from being served after 10 pm. This will keep our streets sober and safe.
2) Send additional cops--as many as 20,000 more--directly into the clubs. These cops will assist the bouncers; they will work as advisors. We'll call this the new "surge" strategy.
3) Interrogate suspects. If, on a Friday night by the velvet rope, the NYPD spots someone that might have been drinking alcohol, or someone that looks like they might enjoy alcohol, the police should be given permission to search, interrogate, and imprison.
4) To streamline the judicial process, the NYPD should create "special prisons" for these nightlife detainees, prisons that fall outside the purview of the Constitution.
And finally, this last point is key:
5) At all times, insist that we are winning the war on nightlife violence. Even if senior police officers disagree, even if the public doesn't support it, and even if the nominal enemy--nightclubs--were only tangentially, obliquely, and in some cases not at all involved in the initial violence.
Continue reading "NYPD: Nightlife is the New Iraq"
Posted by CP at 12:18 PM | Comments (1)
January 07, 2007
A Sneak Peek at the New Clubplanet
Warn your boss. Hide your monitor. Kiss your productivity goodbye.
We're about to unleash the new Clubplanet.com. And it's more than just a facelift, more than just a relaunch. It's a revolution.
The new Clubplanet is the world's most comprehensive, cutting-edge Web site on nightlife. New features. New design. New interface. New stories, new localized content, new everything. Best of all, this Clubplanet belongs to you. Customize. Personalize. Add your own content.
Another thing? It's not orange.
Oh, and about the name. Don't let it scare you. The new Clubplanet is more than just clubs. It's more than just, um, planets. It's all things nightlife. Dive bars, hipster concerts, velvet rope snobbery--that's all fair game. You don't need to be a DJ-fanatic.
Some of the new features:
Blogs
Yep. You get your own Clubplanet blog. Write about last night's party. Or what you can remember. Also, you can seamlessly incorporate anything else in the Clubplanet universe. When you write your scathing, spare-no-punches review of the obnoxious frat bar in the Upper East Side, that review appears on the venue's page, and it also appears on your blog. Or not, depending on your preferences. Again, everything is customizable.
Event Calendar
For almost a decade, Clubplanet has hooked you up with party guestlists. Thousands of 'em. And that's here to stay. Now, though, when you sign up for a guestlist, event, or party, it links straightly to your CP Event Calendar. It's sorta like Outlook, but with alcohol and hot parties.
Friends Lists
Keep track of your friends. Get popular. Or just feed your ego. We won't judge. Okay, okay, we can already hear what you're saying. Yes. A lot of other sites also have "Friends Lists." (We use 'em, too.) But here's where things get interesting. Because Clubplanet also has 50,000 bar listings, parties, and guestlists, you can actually use your Friends Lists for something useful, like planning a night out. When you see a party you want to go to, with the click of a button, you can automatically invite your friends to join you.
Meet Ups
In the evolution of the internet, it goes something like this: first came Web sites, then a bunch of other stuff, then blogs, then MySpace, and now, the next chapter: Meet Ups. On the venue page itself, you can invite your friends to meet up at the bar at a specific time. You can see who else will be at the bar…before you even set foot inside. Let's say, hypothetically, that you're trying to figure out where to go on Tuesday night, and you see a dozen hot girls already planning to Meet Up at a bar. Bingo. Now you know where you're going. (And before you ask: yes. You can make Meet Ups private.)
New Design
Hey, we'll always have a soft spot for orange. But that was then, this is now. The new Clubplanet is dark, sleek, understated, and sexy. More content. Less ads.
Personalized Profile Page
Upload your photo. Write a bio. Tell us what kinds of bars you like, don't like. Keep track of your photo galleries, manage your Friends List, control your message center, update your favorites.
Photo Galleries
You've probably seen 'em at clubs. The creepy old dudes with cameras, the ones who take pictures of hot guys and girls. Yeah, they might look a little creepy, but they've assembled a monster gallery of eye candy. Ogle away. Best of all, with the new CP, you can submit your photos, as well. Upload 'em. Share 'em. Don't be modest.
Nightlife Beat Writers
The new Clubplanet will have the latest news on nightlife, whether it's in New York, Miami, L.A., or Toledo. Clubplanet writers will be pounding the pavement and pounding the shots, delivering exclusive stories you won't find anywhere else. The hottest parties, the best in celebrity gossip.
Videos
Years ago, when Clubplanet was founded, there was a brand new technology called "e-mail." Things have changed some. One of the biggest developments, of course, is video. And the new site is chock full of it. Upload your own videos. Browse user videos, and vote on the best. Watch Clubplanet TV. If your best friend was drunk and started dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld--dorky kicks and all--and you miraculously caught this on video… share it. The world wants to watch.
User Interaction
Comment on other blogs. Blog on other comments. Disagree with articles. Make fun of Lindsay Lohan. The new Clubplanet is tightly integrated, so that your blog, profile, photos, comments, and party plans are all inter-connected.
Carrying the Torch…
We haven't forgotten our roots. Clubplanet has long been the global leader in all things DJ, dance music, and mega-club. Don't worry. We'll still bring you exclusive interviews with Tiesto. But now there's so much more.
No to Mention…
Daily polls. Podcasts. Hot parties. Private invitations. Clubplanet's messageboards (now with less "Stickys.") Expanded venue listings, complete with embedded maps, user reviews, and virtual walk-throughs.
The new Clubplanet.com. Coming soon. Stay tuned.
Continue reading "A Sneak Peek at the New Clubplanet"
Posted by CP at 01:42 PM | Comments (9)
January 05, 2007
New Year's Eve at Bryant Park
-Erin DeJesus
The Gimmick:
Normally, Sunday nights don’t involve a ridiculous citywide scramble to go out and get trashed – unless, of course, that Sunday happens to be the biggest party night of the year. Obviously, there was no real gimmick necessary aside from the December 31st party date, and the Bryant Park Grill whipped out its heated outdoor tents (complete with clear tops for a view of Midtown Manhattan) and did the norm – because really, a champagne toast, glittery party hats, and midnight countdown is the only way to greet the new year.
The Peeps:
Everyone classes it up slightly more on New Year’s, and this was no exception. The mostly-20s crowd (with the exception of a couple of wide-eyed, Midwestern mom and dad types) milled about in either couples or larger coed groups of friends. Most ladies rocked flirty cocktail dresses, and before midnight even struck, two wasted B&T stereotypes (complete with gelled-back hair and long black overcoats) made fools of themselves and had their own mini dance party/mosh pit in a corner.
The Beats:
The new year started off with a blast of Kool & the Gang’s “Celebration” instead of the stodgy “Aude Lange Syne,” and the playlist for the night followed that vibe nicely. Early in the evening, the DJ preferred several conversation-starting mash-ups, including particularly fun combinations of Justin Timberlake’s “My Love” vs. Whitney’s classic “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” and several ‘80s Madonna songs revamped with modern R&B hooks. Post-midnight, Top 40 and R&B (heavy on the Beyonce) became the norm, and the crowd understandably got most excited for a spin of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.”
The Big Event:
It’s getting redundant saying this, but let’s be real – any party in any club anywhere in the world is bound to be kicking on New Year’s Eve, so obviously, the “Big Event” score here is through the roof based on that concept alone. Like most other NYE parties, the Grill provided an open bar, appetizers, and dessert bar – complete with delicious mini cupcakes – for its guests, and the crowd was more than enthusiastic to get down. The only thing I’d question? Three random television screens projected silhouettes of nipple-y, grinding women – though I don’t necessarily have anything against girls that work hard for the money, it seemed more Jersey Shore trashy than Bryant Park classy.
The Bottom Line:
Take your average night out in NYC. Add cocktail dresses, a six-hour long open bar, and the collective, communal goal to not remember the first few hours of 2007. Happy New Year, indeed.
Editor's note: Along with the other members of the Clubplanet team, I was at this party, and made every effort to meet up with Erin. But with the 6 hour open bar, um, somehow it didn't happen. Next year, Erin. Next year.
Continue reading "New Year's Eve at Bryant Park"
Posted by CP at 11:35 AM | Comments (0)