Alan Philips
ABOUT ALAN PHILIPS
Cocktail Hour with Alan Philips is the quintessential insider’s view of Manhattan nightlife, lifestyle, and the business of hospitality served with a side of snark. Alan is a hospitality expert and co-founder of SKY Group, the premiere nightlife consulting firm in the country servicing casinos, hotels, nightclubs and restaurants.

To submit information to Cocktail Hour or Alan Philips please email Brooke Uris at bu@skynewyork.com.

The Hunger: Pop-Up Restaurant Series

posted on 05.05.2010

“To eat good food is to be close to God.”
—Primo (Stanley Tucci), Big Night

The older I get, the more I realize the truth in the statement “do what you love and success will follow.” In the past, I’ve always thought of this in the traditional sense – monetary success. He who dies with the most toys, wins. The thing is, success is something that you define personally. What is success to you? Is it a private jet and a duplex on Park Ave, having your own organic farm and making charcuterie, raising a beautiful family, traveling the world, helping sick children? Who knows. Success is many different things for many different people. One thing I am sure of is that most people would include happiness somewhere within their definition of success. Following in the path of “Cocktail Hour,” and my belief in “doing what you love,” I have chosen to trust my instincts and desires, and to establish my newest venture, The Hunger. 

The Hunger is “a pop-up restaurant series” beginning/opening on May 13th, 2010 and taking reservations now at THEHUNGERNYC.com. The brainchild of myself, Top Chef alum Camille Becerra, and my business partner, Josh Shames, The Hunger will be a series of temporary restaurant concepts in New York and other sophisticated culinary destinations. The idea for “The Hunger” came from a shared passion of mine and Camille’s for bringing friends together through sublime preparations of delicious ingredients served in beautiful yet comfortable environments. We were introduced through our friend Vincent Rotolo at a dinner party in Camille’s apartment and inspired to pursue the idea of sharing these experiences. We decided that a great way to do this would be to create memorable culinary and social moments that exist briefly and then disappear. Each evening will be set up like a fabulous dinner party, where all guests sit at the same time and simultaneously share an evening. Like a dinner party, guests will be encouraged to interact, and will leave with only a memory of the experience that will never be exactly replicated again – a moment, similar to the many great moments that take place every day in New York, which fade out as quickly as they “pop up.” 

Think about it this way: how many times have you and your friends talked about an incredible night you had somewhere years ago, before the place changed or the magic faded? We are aiming to create those nights with every restaurant concept, only to be experienced by a limited number of guests. I believe that there is a desire amongst urban professionals to take part in truly unique hospitality experiences. Trips to upscale restaurants, like Nobu, Waverly Inn, or Maialino, used to be reserved for special occasions, but for many New Yorkers, eating at these restaurants or restaurants in general, is a regular part of life. So what is the next step? Where can someone get a truly special dining and entertainment experience at reasonable price? I mean, Daniel, Le Cirque, and Per Se are hundreds of dollars and you are herded in with tourists from Omaha, who also have an AmEx concierge. The pop-up restaurant is the inevitable backlash to the corporatization of the restaurant business. A counter-cultural movement that is fighting the evolution of restaurants, from sole proprietorships, to massive corporate behemoths pumping out barrel’s of Spicy Tuna. As a business, the “pop up restaurant” is a logical follow-up to trends such as “food trucks” maximizing the opportunity to drive revenue while minimizing slow periods and fixed costs.

The menu and décor for our first restaurant in the series, is a modern and urban influenced interpretation of Cuisine Bourgeois, a French style of cooking that utilizes high quality seasonal ingredients, prepared simply in a family-style manner. Chef Becerra chose “Urban Cuisine Bourgeois” as her inspiration for the first restaurant to celebrate the ingredients of the season. She supports the idea that “modern urban cuisine is a melting pot of influences, combined to create delicious and exciting new flavors and social experiences." Camille was a contestant on Top Chef and owned a restaurant “Paloma” in Brooklyn for a couple of years until it burned down. Those two things, cannot even begin to explain Camille. She is passionate about food, lifestyle, and friends, and exemplifies a style that captures the essence of downtown Manhattan. Rounding out the team is Lily Cho, the former general manager of Bungalow 8, who will be applying her fastidious attention to detail to running the front of house. Erickson Wilcox, formerly of Marquee, will be running the door. We have an incredible staff along with Derek Feinman and Brooke Uris from the SKY Group to ensure a perfect guest experience and a sold-out show. 

The basic idea and passion that created “The Hunger” was sparked years ago by the movie “Big Night.” The film, starring Stanley Tucci, follows the story of two brothers, Primo and Secondo, who have emigrated from Italy to open an Italian restaurant in America. Primo is the irascible and gifted chef, brilliant in his culinary genius, but determined not to squander his talent on making the routine dishes that customers expect. Secondo is the smooth front-man, trying to keep the restaurant financially afloat, despite few patrons. It is a classic struggle of art and commerce, entrepreneurial ideas and the fickle realities of consumer tastes. As Mario Batali says, “If you had to choose an address, it would be on the corner of Art and Commerce.” Taking a pure idea and marrying it to your core beliefs without sacrificing your ideals is one of the hardest things anyone can do. It brings you to your greatest despair, but it will bring you moments of true happiness and fulfillment – your success. When you are close to the edge, fearing the unknown and praying for a miracle, you may want to quit, but the truth is for people like you and I, Primo and Secondo, there is no other way to live. Embrace the journey.     

"Love the life you live. Live the life you love."
— Bob Marley 

So please join me and my team on this journey, beginning May 13th, 2010 for The Hunger, A Pop-Up Restaurant Series. Reserve now by visiting thehungernyc.com or calling 917-338-9759. 

The official menu and location will be released this week. I can’t wait to share them with you.

I would also like to thank the following outlets for covering The Hunger launch. The NY Times, NY Magazine’s Grub Street, Eater, Zagat, and Crain’s New York Business.

See you next time at Cocktail Hour, where more often than not one drink turns into ten and no one knows where and when the night will end.

-AP 
 

Monthly Mixtape: Sympathy for the Devil

posted on 04.27.2010

“Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste,
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached Bombay.

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name,
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game.”

-Sympathy for the Devil, Rolling Stones

1. Sympathy for the Devil (Neptunes Remix) – Rolling Stones
2. Rad Omen – Rad Anthem
3. I Need a Dollar – Aloe Blacc
4. This Ain’t A Love Song – Scouting for Girls
5. These Eyes – The Guess Who
6. She Said – Plan B
7. Pretty Girls – Wale Featuring Gucci Mane
8. Shooting Stars – Bag Raiders
9. Stereolove – Edward Maya
10. Rude Boy – Rihanna
11. Break Your Heart – Taio Cruz (Featuring Ludcris)
12. New In Town – Little Boots
13. Goldfish – Fort Knox
14. Pick Up the Phone – Dragonette
15. We no speak Americano – Yolanda be Cool & DCUP
16. Nothing on You – B .O.B Featuring Bruno Mars
17. 2gether – Roger Sanchez
18. Forever – Walter Meego

“Who is Keyser Söze? He's supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.”
-Verbal Kent (Kevin Spacey), Usual Suspects

See you next time at Cocktail Hour, where more often than not one drink turns into ten and no one knows where and when the night will end.
-AP


Launch of THE TREND SET

posted on 04.22.2010

"The tipping point is that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behavior crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire." — Malcolm Gladwell

During December 1978 (Steve) Rubell was quoted in the New York newspapers as saying the Studio had made $7 million in its first year and that "only the Mafia made more money." Shortly thereafter, the nightclub was raided and Rubell and Schrager were arrested for skimming $2.5 million…
 
The nightclub closed with one final party called, "The End of Modern-day Gomorrah" on February 4, 1980. Diana Ross, Ryan O'Neal, Mariel Hemingway, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Richard Gere, Gia Carangi, Jack Nicholson, Reggie Jackson, and Sylvester Stallone (who, as rumor has it, bought the last drink) were among the guests that night. New York lawyer Gary P. Naftalis represented Schrager successfully in the ensuing tax-evasion prosecution. After the nightclub's closing, cocaine and money were found in its walls. Schrager and Rubell were found guilty and would spend 13 months in prison.

“The End of Modern-day Gommorah” was also the beginning of what is modern-day nightlife. Studio 54 was launched for the first time, on April 26th, 1977.  That means, the Studio that we all read about ceased to exist in one way or another after 33 months of operation.  It would eventually re-open in September of 1981, and embark on a second five-year run before closing for good. As far as I am told, after its brief re-introduction, it never returned to its previous grandeur, but only flourished financially due to minimal competition and an incredible reputation.

Fast forward to 2010; competition is fierce and nightlife is big business.  With this in mind, Cocktail Hour is launching “THE TREND SET,” a regularly updated list of the top nightclubs, lounges, restaurants, and hotels in the world of Trend-Driven Hospitality (TDH). 

Trend-Driven Hospitality (TDH) refers to restaurants, nightclubs, lounges, bars, and hotels that combine elements of design, lifestyle, entertainment, and public relations/event-driven marketing. Not the Holiday Inn, but the Waverly Inn. Not a Coffee Shop, The Coffee Shop. You get the picture. It mainly exists in gateway cities such as New York, Los Angeles, London, and Miami, as well as the seasonal destinations for the clientele who frequent these venues. The hospitality outlets featured are regularly present in gossip columns such as Page Six, weeklies such as US Weekly, and blogs like this one, GuestofaGuest, and Eater.

In order to execute this properly, we have put together a panel of industry experts and consumers, who have confidentially provided us with their opinions on what is and what isn’t, who is on their way up and who is on their way out.  The criteria measured include crowd, energy, vibe, celebrity attendance, music, service, press coverage, consistency, special events, and quality of product.  Also taken in to account, are the health of the business, business ethics, competitive set, promoter involvement, and reputation within the industry.

Leave your coats at the check, settle your bill at the bar, and the hostess will take you to your prime table. Welcome to nightlife and hospitality’s version of the Billboard charts. Who is number 1 and how long can they hold on to the top spot? Only time will tell…

Top 5 Nightclubs (in order): Competition is tight for the top 3 spots

1. Avenue – Tepperberg & Strauss are still on top. But for how long? They have the bankroll, the door policy, the celebs, the connections, and the models. The only question is does the venue have the energy and vibe to really rock? All the great kings of nightlife have stumbled in the past, but the chess champion Tepperberg, always seems to be a step ahead.  
2. 1Oak – Butter is still going after over five years of operation. Ritchie and Scott have loyalty and credibility with the right group of people. Hell, Jay-Z wrote a song with the hook, “if I ain’t at Butter, I am down at 1Oak.” SL is inching up on both. What happens when Scott and Richie move their focus to the new Nell’s?
3. SL – 1Oak is a few years old and SL is heating up – there are arguments for each in the number two spot. EMM Group have the support of Abe & Arthur's success, a bankroll (click here to see this weeks article in Forbes), a loyal crowd, and plenty of girls. Only knock is that the crowd could be a little less homogenous, but like everything, this is a process and I don’t think owning nightlife is their only goal.
4. RDV/Kiss & Fly – A high energy lounge and club, attached and anchored by juggernaut Bagatelle. Kiss & Fly recently re-launched with “Tuesday Baby Tuesdays,” the longest running party in nightlife. RDV should be here to stay – can Kiss & Fly reignite the flame? 
5. Juliet – Jon B has always been known for bringing the biggest crowds, and he has been putting together a team of veteran scenesters to drive his empire, including Tony Theodore, Mark Baker, and Barry Mullineaux. This one started out as restaurant, but seems to be leaning more in the direction of club. The numbers are good – lots of Euros and the ladies that love ‘em. All the boys above should keep their eyes peeled for the dark horse Jon B... he is a crafty business man.  

Top 5 Lounges/Bars (in order): A battle is shaping up between Boom & Rose

1. Boom Boom Room – Just awarded their cabaret license, we soon may have to refer to this as a club, or as (per sources) maybe even a private club. On another note, a few people who never would have been granted access to Rose Bar have recently told me to meet them at Boom Boom. Can this corporate behemoth hotel hold onto authentic non-contrived cool? This month they are, but for how long?
2. Rose Bar – Rose Bar will be on this list forever. Do you have a multi-million dollar art collection in a hotel designed by Julian Schnabel and run by Ian Schrager and Nur Khan? I didn’t think so.
3. Bowery Hotel Upstairs – I am not sure this venue has ever been officially opened. It is just there and perfect, absolutely one of the most beautiful spaces in Manhattan. This speaks to the brilliance of Eric Goode and Sean Macpherson: sometimes the best strategy is no strategy. It works especially well when you have an incredible location and magnificent design talents.
4. Goldbar – Reinvigorated by John Lennon’s promotional efforts, Goldbar is probably the most creatively designed independent venue in Manhattan. Rob Mckinley is an incredible designer and Jamie Mulholland has an outstanding commitment to quality.
5. Cipriani Upstairs – There are so many mediocre lounges that I could have chosen for the number five slot. At least Cipriani Upstairs is the best spot for rich dudes and cougars, and there are even top quality models paid to be there. If you don’t know someone don’t bother, and they will never change that policy, they would rather close. Sunday night karaoke anyone?

Top 10 Restaurants (in order): Kenmare bursts on the scene, knocking off Minetta.  Can the downtown duo deliver like McNally?

1. Kenmare – This is where you will find the people you are looking for eating and drinking.  On her show, Martha Stewart talks about a restaurant by Paul Sevigny and Nur Khan, while eating meatball sliders. The perfect storm of downtown New York? 
2. Minetta Tavern – The current crown jewel in the McNally Empire. My last visit included appearances by Sophia Coppola, Common, Serena Williams, and Mr. Mcnally himself. Not only that, but the food is spectacular. 
3. Maialino – Danny Meyer has never really been known for sexy and trendy, but everything in the Gramercy Hotel is sexy and trendy, not to mention timeless. Excluding Rao’s, this is the hardest reservation in Manhattan right now. 
4. Abe & Arthur’s – This restaurant not only has deliciously consistent and creative food, it has the most jamming bar scene in Manhattan. If you can get a table in the main dining room, you are sitting amongst the best of young New York, and there is an abundance of beautiful people. Brunch is launching this week and I am told it’s decadent.
5. Bagatelle – If you are European or international, and you are visiting the Meatpacking District, afternoon or evening, this is your spot. If you’re a young professional from an investment bank and like to think you are European or international, this is also your spot. Either way, you will have to wait even if you can get a reservation, day or night; you won’t get into Bagatelle without a fight.
6. The Breslin – I think the food is too heavy, but people are lining up for whiskey shots with a shot of pickle juice as a chaser, followed by lamb scrumpets, even on a Monday night. I guess that's the power of the owner of the Spotted Pig opening in the hipster magnet Ace Hotel.
7. Waverly Inn – Not what it once was, but still a force with celebrities and a great scene. I doubt Graydon Carter and partners will ever not have the “it” factor at this restaurant, but like Balthazar, Pastis, and others, it will eventually become more about what was, than what is.
8. The Mark – Nothing this interesting has happened on the Upper East Side since Madoff. Jean Georges spent a “Ponzi Scheme” worth of money on this space and it is paying off big time with the ladies who lunch.
9. Má Pêche – David Chang of Momofuko’s first venture out of downtown Manhattan. Located in the former Town space at the Chambers Hotel, it is currently only open for lunch, but this restaurant is going to be the major spot over the next few months... and yes, there is a Milk Bar for you dessert freaks. 
10. La Esquina – Located in what I believe is heart of downtown Manhattan, the original gangster of the SoCal taqueria craze keeps rocking. Reservations are still hard to get, the café is jamming all day every day, and tequila with fish tacos never goes out of style. “See you later Pistol. You got it Joben.”

Top 5 Hotels (in order): Balazs vs. Schrager, like Magic vs. Michael...

1. Standard Hotel – One of the most incredible hotel properties ever to be constructed in New York. It is not more beautiful or timeless than the Gramercy, but it is located at the corner of Trendy Ave and Tourist Blvd. In addition, there seem to still to be more surprises coming from this masterpiece. It is so of the moment, that similar to a great artist, its true impact won’t be completely understood for years.
2. Gramercy Park Hotel – The hotel that all boutique properties in New York will be measured against for the next few years. Schrager has an innate ability to find the perfect mix between art and commerce. And then just when you thought it was over, they bring in Danny Meyer and have Axl Rose perform. It is just not fair.
3. Ace Hotel – From Portland, Oregon comes an incredibly interesting property. It includes the Breslin, No.7 sub shop, Stumptown Roasters, and Tin Pan Alley, a coming bar from Breslin owner, Ken Friedman. Ace is a new style of boutique hotel and it is proving effective, by bringing hipsters to Madison square.
4. Bowery Hotel – Eric Goode and Sean Macpherson’s current muse, is the hub of this burgeoning neighborhood. Rumor has it this pair has recently purchased the Crow’s Nest Hotel in Montauk. Watch out Surf Lodge and Sunset Beach.
5. Trump SoHo – Even though it has a much different feel than the above properties, Trump Soho definitely has a lot to be excited about: the opening of Quattro Restaurant, the attached Kastel ground floor lounge, and the soon to open Bar’Deau rooftop pool lounge with Bocci Ball court.  It will be interesting to see if these food and beverage operators from Miami will be able to translate their success to the Big Apple. What ever happened to B.E.D? 

The TREND SET Rumor Mill: Can you smell the fresh cut grass of the Hamptons?

Day & Night – The word is, Derek and Daniel Koch are taking the East Hampton Point space and turning it into this Day & Night destination.
Georgica – Eugene and Mark are heading to Georgica in Easthampton to work with owner David Schulman this summer on Saturday nights. This should complement the return of the best Friday night in the Hamptons run by Ben Greiff and Dave Marino. Eugene and Mark also are looking to expand Abe & Arthur’s with multiple locations throughout the city in the near future.
RDV Hamptons – The RDV team is rumored to be taking over the Tavern Southampton space and planning to invest money to make this a multi-year business. Details are yet to be released.
Scott and Richie’s New Project – New restaurant and lounge in the Nell’s space is close to completion and I hear it is going to be incredible. Even though it may be ready sooner than later, who knows when it will open it to the public.
The Lion – Chef John Delucie of the Waverly Inn teams up with Mark Amadei of Cafeteria to open The Lion, “a throwback to Delmonico’s.” Mr. DeLucie plans to cook unfussy, traditional fare, like lamb porterhouse and tagliatelle with rabbit.
Faustina & The Cooper Square Hotel – “Shoulda woulda coulda” but never did.  Sometimes you have a lot of money, a great location, and a great chef, but it just doesn’t work. What a fucking disaster is all I can say, hotel and restaurant.

The Trend Set is focused on capturing moments. The lifecycle of a trend-driven hospitality venue is introduction, peak, plateau, decline, close. The great operators can manage the peak and plateau like conductors (see Marquee and Tenjune). Let's look at Butter as an example. Just when it was slowing down as a restaurant, Scott and Richie launched Mondays and promoted their chef Alexandra Guarnaschelli. This immediately propelled Butter back onto the front page nationally. This is not a talent that can be taught or bought, it can only be learned through experience. As quickly as one of these moments exist, it can disappear. Do you see Amy Sacco on this list? At one point she would have owned it.

For some people, you all know them, trendiness is next to godliness. We see them every day, going out too much, denying their past and pretending their futures. But as far as I can tell, the key to being really cool, is not trying to be. So enjoy the discussion and spark up a doob-ate, but in the end, DO YOU.

Remember, at CH, we are always KIG (keepin it gangsta), no creeps allowed.

See you next time at Cocktail Hour, where more often than not one drink turns into ten and no one knows where and when the night will end.
-AP

Top Spots for Day Drinking: An Ode to Daytime Debauchery

posted on 04.15.2010

When you wake in spring or summer, and the weather is not a bummer, you need to find a number one stunner, and head to one brunch or another. You may ask, “What is so sublime about drinking Mexican beer and Rose wine, while the sun shines?” The warmth, the ladies, a classic Mercedes filled with beautiful, French and Brazilian babies. 

Cipriani began this debauchery in SoHo back in the late nineties,You see, it used to be all about who was who, or if you were an old money Euro or Garmento Jew. Then 2009 came round the bend, and the daytime became more about fun and how much you could spend. A money marathon dropping from the sky, who is willing to spend more, you or I? 

No one really cares about the food, they all just want to pop champagne and be in a good mood. There really isn’t any attitude, just lots, and lots, and lots booze. Pink wine flows as far as the eye can see, like Dire Straits said "Money for nothing and chicks for free." So night becomes day and day becomes night, and when you leave you can’t believe it’s still light. But you are too busy listening to euro tunes, to realize everything is more fun in the afternoons.   

Women are in their airy dresses, hair in pig tails, and feet in wedges. Girls show skin we have not seen since June, when they were in the Hamptons on a table at Dune. Some are dressed like it is the night, some look like they just got out of a fight. Punch drunk chicks are not our thing, don’t be too sloppy unless you have a ring. Otherwise your picture will be on GuestofaGuest, and you will look like a hot, hot mess.

After Cipriani, it was Merkato and Bagatelle, but then the Koch boys told Merkato to go to hell. Now they enjoy their Days & Nights at I Tre Merli and it is less about him or me. No more issues, no more fights, cause every time someone barks or bites, the waiter, he a sparkler lights. The superman song explodes into the room and the crowds look to see whom is whom. But their buggy eyes can’t even zoom, to see who is waving from across the room. And the bill is building like impending doom, but who the hell cares it’s a gorgeous afternoon!

What can I say, I find day drinking inspiring. So without further ado, here are the best spots to drink away all your cares throughout the day. Fuck, I can’t stop rhyming now. 

Side Note: What percentage of nightlife revenues now come from daytime parties? I would guess at least 20%, as new parties are popping up every week and people seem much more willing to spend during the day. A restaurant without a brunch party is like household without DVR – so five years ago.

Best Spots for Day Drinking:

Michael Jordan: Retired but still great, timeless
Downtown Cipriani

Patrick Ewing: Would have been champion if Michael Jordan didn’t exist
Da Silvano & Bar Pitti

Kobe Bryant: The reigning champion
Bagatelle

Lebron James: A fierce beast destined to be champion
I Tre Merli/Day & Night

Shaquille O’neal: Just bigger than everyone else
The Standard Hotel

David Lee: New York Fan Favorite, but will never be MVP
Via Dei Mille

Kevin Durant: Has all the tools to be a star
The Collective (Lifestyle Group, launched last week)

Dwayne Wade: Best when playing in Miami, but always a star
Sushi Samba 7 (Yuval and Co., launched last week)

Sixth Man Candidates: Generally good spots for a day drink
Barrio Chino
Barolo
Coffee Shop
Dos Caminos – SoHo & Opening this Week in Meatpacking
Double Crown – $35 includes an unlimited “Do-it-Yourself Bloody Mary Bar” 
Felix
Hudson Terrace
Hudson Hotel’s SKY Terrace
La Esquina Cafe
La Bottega at the Maritime Hotel
Le Bilboquet
Pulinos
The Yard at Soho Grand Hotel

Coming Soon:
Gansevoort Park - Summer
Highbar  - Summer
Merkato 55 Redo: Italian Brasserie from Bagatelle Group - TBD






Welcome to Hollywood, what’s your dream? Will you possibly continue drinking into the evening? Either way it, it ain’t no thang. Spring is always better when you are day drinking…

See you next time at Cocktail Hour, where more often than not one drink turns into ten and no one knows where and when the night will end.
-AP


Catharsis: AP 2010

posted on 04.13.2010

My name is Alan Philips. I am thirty years old. I live in Dwell 95 on Wall Street and Water Street on the nineteenth floor, Chace Crawford lives in the penthouse. I believe in taking care of myself – with an unbalanced diet of liquor, legal stimulants, and obscure gastronomic delights.  I like to follow this with juice fasts and a rigorous exercise routine that makes me feel rejuvenated. In the morning, when my face is a little puffy, I'll splash it with freezing cold water, Nickel Day Spa’s morning rescue gel or Kiehl’s Facial Fuel, followed by a Kiehl’s anti-wrinkle Facial Fuel. After a night of excess, I drink a Starbucks Venti iced green tea, unsweetened, an Emergen-C, and a shot of espresso. I skim the NY Post and read my horoscope and then read it again on my Blackberry’s horoscope app, for a second opinion. I then read the horoscope of the people I care about; inevitably I confuse it with my own and end up living someone else’s life.

When the caffeine finally takes effect, I stretch and go for a run on the treadmill. I used to run three miles, now I can do four or five, depending on the activities of the night before – the more excessive, the more motivated I am to run for a cure. I am fighting a battle of attrition against age, one which I will inevitably lose.  This battle provides a sense of self that gives my life comfortable meaning, until I find what I am looking for.

There used to be an idea of “Alan Philips” – some kind of abstraction, but no real me – only an entity, something illusory. I hide my cold gaze and you have shook my hand feeling flesh gripping you, maybe you even sensed our lifestyles were comparable. Despite this, I was simply not there.   

It used to be hard for me to make sense on any given level, but now everything makes too much sense. My self and my existence are real in every way; so real that it becomes painful at times. I feel overwhelmingly lucky when I open my eyes – an aberration in today’s world. My personality, formerly businesslike and focused, has become perplexing and unpredictable, a product of my dedication to the journey. Once heartlessness and lack of feeling were comforts, but that comfort no longer exists. My conscience and hopes have reawakened by an understanding of, and a connection to, my past and my ideals. 

As I admit this: there is a catharsis. I have gained deeper knowledge of myself and extracted more new knowledge from my telling. There is every reason for me to tell you all of this. This confession has meant everything...

He gives a last look at the mirror and likes what he sees. He gives his reflection a smile. 

This is not the end, it is just the beginning.

See you next time at Cocktail Hour, where more often than not one drink turns into ten and no one knows where and when the night will end.
-AP, American Psycho

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