For better or worse, the Heidi Montag video for “Higher” has become the most mocked YouTube clip since Miss Teen South Carolina talked about how to “find maps” in “The Iraq.” The video, which has Heidi slinking around in a pink bikini and showing her considerable—ah, “skills”—has rocketed the 21-year-old to a whole new echelon of fame and notoriety. And as the older generation of clubbing-starlets fades to their golden years (Tara Reid, Lindsay), Heidi is the future. So we've done your homework for you: The 20 things you didn’t know about Heidi Montag...

1. The company that Heidi works for on The Hills, Bolthouse Productions, coordinates events at LA hotspots like Hyde, and their parent company has used Wantickets.com for ticketing.

2. Heidi has said that she wants to win an Academy Award.

3. She is the new spokeswoman for Anchor Blue Clothing Company, and they’ll even have a fashion line called “Heidiwood”…

4. …Despite the fact that she dropped out of LA’s Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising.

5. Heidi received breast implants in April 2007.

6. She’s bad news for lawyers. Todd Paris, a North Carolina attorney, was caught leafing through a Maxim magazine that had a half-naked Heidi on the cover. The judge was so furious at the lawyer for reading almost-soft-porn in the courtroom, he fined Paris $300 and humiliated him in front of the courtroom crowd.

7. Her on-again-off-again-on-again engagement with Spencer Pratt, featured prominently on The Hills, was summed up by Heidi saying, “The only way I’ll marry Spencer is if he starts acting like a man instead of a little boy. I feel like I’m dating a pre-schooler sometimes — it’s always playtime with him.”

8. The “candid” shots of Heidi and Spencer in Los Cabos, Mexico, include pictures of him doing push-ups with Heidi on his back. Fans think they’re staged.

9. Originally, it looked like Heidi Montag admitted that she started a false rumor about Lauren Contrad, her ex-BFF. (Never mind that “ex-BFF” is an oxymoron) On her website, Heidi said that she started a rumor that Lauren Conrad had a sex video…

10. …But then Heidi said that it wasn’t her—it was an "internet hacker" who posed as Heidi.

11. Ex-current-ex-current-fiancé Spencer Pratt corroborated this hacker-theory, stating that “I don't think Heidi would even know how to log in to her website.”

12. She made a New Year’s resolution to “stay way more in-touch with my MySpace friends that are so loving and supportive. I will be trying to answer all my messages this year and respond to all questions!”

13. In for a penny, in for a pound. To complement the breast augmentation, allegedly, Heidi Montag also had a lip-enhancement surgery in late ’07.

14. She likes dancing to Dr. Dre’s “The Next Episode.”

15. Heidi was voted by SoCal Cleanse Detox users as the “4th Dirtiest Female Celebrity” after Amy Winehouse, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, and Courtney Love.

16. Her ex-current-ex-fiance Spencer Pratt was offered a role in a gay porno. Pratt turned it down. Porn mogul Michael Lucas said that “[Pratt] was born to be in a gay-porn blockbuster.”

17. With her command of the CAPS LOCK button, she could have been a nightlife promoter. Her About Me section on MySpace reads: “HEY EVERYONE THIS IS HEIDI MY OLD MYSPACE WAS HEIDIMONTAG69, BUT SOMEONE JACKED IT AND IM NOW USING THIS ONE. SO FEEL FREE TO TALK TO ME AT THIS ONE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR ME PLEASE MESSAGE ME WITH THE SUBJECT SAYING "HEIDI QUESTION" AND I WILL TRY TO ANSWER THEM EVERY MONTH WITH A BULLETIN. RIGHT NOW MY LIFE CONSISTS OF WORKING FOR BOLTHOUSE, WORKING ON MY ALBUM AND SPENDING TIME WITH SPENCER. STATS: DOB: SEPTEMBER 15 1986 (21) HEIGHT: 5'3 1/2" EYES: BLUE BIRTH PLACE: CRESTED BUTTE, COLORADO BOYFRIEND: SPENCER PRATT” (sic)

18. Her hero is Marilyn Monroe, “cause she was a fabulous entertainer and the original triple threat.” (sic)

19.  To defend the savagely-attacked “Higher” video, Heidi Montag posted a comment on PerezHilton: “I appreciate people taking time to write any kind of comment. Do you know how much effort it really takes to sit down and write a comment? I’ve never written a comment in my entire life… you really have to have a lot of passion and thought to write any comment, so thank you.”

And the last thing you should know about the star of the Heidi Montag video:

20. Prior to landing her role on The Hills, Montag had never even seen Laguna Beach. But thanks to the savvy show producers, the two had chemistry. Like magic, a short-lived BFF-dom was born.

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More information on: Hyde, Los Angeles

You know Jessica Alba as a hot actress. A sex symbol. The jewel of any “Top ___” hotlist. This might change. No, she’ll still keep her looks. But as she tells Clubplanet, now that she’s pregnant, we’ll soon see her in more character-driven roles, more indies, more projects that showcase her acting. First, though, is another popcorn-esque role—she stars in the horror The Eye, playing a blind woman who regains her sight, only to see ghastly images scarier than a Mike Huckabee speech. Clubplanet caught up with the soon-to-be MILF to chat about The Eye, her career, and whether she feels objectified. The Jessica Alba interview:

Clubplanet: When you look at projects, are you worried that some roles are based on your looks?

Jessica Alba: I never base anything on my appearance to be honest with you. I don’t think that people would hire me just because of that. There’s so many much, much cuter girls in LA that would do just about anything to get roles. And if it was just about looks…they would be getting them.  So I have to believe that I bring more to the table than that.

Have you ever felt objectified?

Jessica Alba: Into the Blue. Only because I didn’t know we were going to be in bathing suits. That was never the plan. They shot all the bathing suits scenes with the doubles before I even [started]. In the script, we were scuba diving in wet suits. So that was one movie where I felt tricked.

What should we expect from you in The Eye?

Jessica Alba: A lot of people have seen me primarily in popcorn movies. And mind you, this one is as well, but this one is a more complex character. It’s not as one-dimensional. She’s definitely grounded and feels…not as glamorous, I guess.

Do you see your career headed more in that direction?

Jessica Alba: Initially I’m going to probably do maybe a little bit more character-driven roles, kind of more indies, ensemble casts, smaller budget. Not necessarily the big, box office, tentpole movies.

I want to go in a more indie route for a little while. And have a bit more of a balance between the commercial movies and the indie movies that don’t necessarily do as well. And I think it’ll be fun to take more risks and more challenging roles.

What’s next for you, specifically?

Jessica Alba: A comedy. A very broad tentpole comedy with Mike Myers, which was like a dream come true. Because he is the Peter Sellers of our generation. He's a genius.  He's primed in every phrase in pop culture. And so that was huge, because I love comedy and if you’re going to work with anybody in comedy, Mike is definitely someone to learn from.

Congrats again on the baby.

Thank you.

How do you think it will affect your career?
 
Jessica Alba: I have to believe that when you have a child and you have someone that, you know, needs you and needs your time, you kind of can’t be self-interested anymore. You have to consider that any time you spend away from your child is invaluable. And so I think I’ll just probably be a bit more choosy and not work for two years straight like I just did.

So given your role in The Eye…to quote Scream, what's your favorite scary movie?

Jessica Alba: I love horror movies in general. Psycho, Poltergeist, IT, The Shining, Nightmare on Elm Street--the first one.

How much research did you do to play a blind person?

Jessica Alba: I went to a blind orientation center in LA and one in New Mexico. And I lived among people who were learning to deal with blindness, particularly in New Mexico. I learned how to read brail, walk with my cane, label everything in the house. Just sort of learn how to exist as someone who has blindness.

Did you take it home with you?

Jessica Alba: I applied all of those things to my home so that I could just practice at home with the sleep-shades on. I also spent time with a girl who’s been blind since she was two, and she’s a vocalist. She’s in her late twenties, speaks three different languages, travels around Europe by herself, travels around the States by herself, lives by herself, goes to Boston University, converts all of her textbooks to brail.

So she’s really my inspiration because she was so self-efficient and so independent. I never knew anyone who was blind. And certainly any connotations I had with people who are blind in that they can’t be self-efficient or live like anybody else was just thrown out the window because she was quite extraordinary.

So what’s more difficult? Playing a blind person or playing the violin?

Jessica Alba: Violin was definitely more difficult. You know, I played a soloist but you have to be kind of the best of the best. And people who’ve been playing that instrument since they were three years old—they still don’t become soloists. They’re just in the orchestra.  So that was tough for me because I wanted to come off as realistic and believable as possible in order for the audience to really take the journey with me in this movie.

It’s been almost two weeks now since the tragic death of Heath Ledger. Considering he’s part of your generation of actors and actresses, what are your thoughts on how the media has been treating things?

Jessica Alba: Oh my God, it was - it’s such a huge loss. And the most tragic, saddest thing ever. I mean, I can’t imagine a more--it was just horrible. And I just feel for his family and his friends and everyone that’s close to him. And I--I don’t know--I guess I’m just sensitive to the fact that he’s in the public eye and the fact that people can all have an opinion on him when I feel like he should just rest in peace and people should grieve without having this extra attention on how his passing was. A huge loss for the acting community and really so, so shocking and so, so sad.

Okay, we can’t leave on that note. Any word on Sin City 2?

Jessica Alba: You know, it’s kind of been on hold since we finished Sin City 1. I mean, it’s been a few years. So I don’t know what the hold-up is. But I know Frank (Miller), you know, has done another movie and I know Robert Rodriguez has obviously done other movies. So, yeah, I’m not really sure.

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The Eye is curently in theaters.

Photo credit: Kristin Callahan – Ace Pictures

P. Diddy's mother must be proud. The rapper/designer/mogul/baby maker has just inked a multiyear deal with Ciroc Vodka. The gig is expected to earn the star more than $100 million.

-AP

Here's an idea: attach an eight ball to the bottle and it will sell itself.

Since time immemorial, Rockstars and Supermodels have enjoyed a symbiotic, sensationalist relationship. Thus, it seems fitting that my CMJ week was speckled with supermodel gossip. And, no, I don't intend to wax poetic about "America's Next Top Model" here, as I do believe that show and its insane clown-resemblin', bad-mamma-jamma, former-supermodel, take-me to-your-leader Tyra Banks prey upon impressionable young women. What? You're surprised that Misty has a social conscience? Don't worry, I won't be adopting a third world orphan any time soon, though I often have baby animals on the brain....

As the former caterpillars (baby butterflies?) above my eyes were waxed and plucked and snipped by my esthetician last week, I witnessed first-hand what FONCS ("Fear of Naomi Campbell Syndrome") can do to a person. My brow barber, known to many as the Eyebrow Nazi, was in a tizzy over the fact that a New York Times reporter had mistakenly (hmmm...) claimed that the aggressive supermodel was dropped as a client. Over the past six months I've gotten my brows beautified for free, but after sharing her tales of "Na-Woe-Is-Me", the Eyebrow Nazi suddenly decided it was time to start charging me -- despite the fact that she did a shitty job this session. I should've charged HER for listening to all that broken English moaning and groaning while she groomed me (to the tune of $55 per 15 minute session, FYI). Then again, everything's a barter deal in this industry. 

But anyway, on the opposite side of the Supermodel spectrum from Campbell, there's Christy Turlington. According to my interview with her, she was the most "punctual, polite, and professional" model of her era, which are the qualities she cites that made her stand out from the sea of pretty faces and gaunt bodies that huddled beside her for warmth in the squathouse. I mean, on the catwalk. Nowadays she's known as Mrs. Ed Burns, who is not officially a rockstar, but does in fact have a band called the Blue Jackets. 

Listening to Christy speak, I imagined her to be a fantastic wife and mother. Cool, calm, ethereally beautiful (a series of Christy Turlington mannequins were crafted exclusively for the Costume Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art when she was named "The Face of the 20th Century"), Turlington-Burns had an angelic air that *almost* rendered her boring. But then a friend told me she had a lesbian (bisexual is probably more accurate) affair with Cindy Crawford back in the day. I had no idea! Sure enough, cameras have caught her smooching other Superhoochies on more than one occasion. Suddenly, I had a deepened appreciation for Christy's pop cultural value. Either way, George Michael's "Freedom 90" is one of the best videos of all time:

(As an aside, I once stood behind Linda Evangelista at the Citibank ATM on 23rd & 6th. I later learned she was like six months pregnant at the time -- and I totally did not notice -- which just goes to show how skinny they all are.)

Now, here's a Top Ten list of the all-time most compelling "When Rockstar Met Supermodel" couples:

1. Paulina Porizkova and Ric Ocasek: His funky mug is gonna drive her home, tonight.
2. Christy Brinkley and Billy Joel: I don't care if it's lame, I stlll love "Uptown Girl."
3. Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour: She wore a mini-wedding dress in the "November Rain" video. Tres chic!
4. Rachel Hunter and Rod Stewart: If you want Rod's body and you think he's sexy...you're probably a blonde model. The man has a harem -- WTF?!
5. Heidi Klum and Seal: Frau Klum-Seal told Oprah this week it was love at first sight of her man's package.
6. Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall: I think these two might've started the trend.
7. David Bowie and Iman: Respect, yo.
8. Kate Moss and Pete Doherty: What a coupla' wankers.
9.Claudia Schiffer and David Copperfield: Wait. That doesn't count!
10. Petra Nemcova and James Blunt: OK, they were really the *least* compelling pair -- tied with Elaine Irwin and John Cougar Mellencamp. 

And now, what you've all been waiting for -- my indulgent Top Ten list of favorite musical acts and the Supersongs heard on/around CMJ week this year (in no particular order):

1. Dri: "You Know I Tried"
2. Fourth of July: "Surfer Dude"  
3. Gabby Glaser (formerly of Luscious Jackson): "Naturally High" 
4. Dirty on Purpose: "Girls and Sunshine"   
5. The Teenagers: "Homecoming" 
6. Small Sins: "We Will Break Our Own Hearts" 
7.The Brunettes: "Her Hairagami Set"
8. Culture Reject: "Inside the Cinema" 
9.Fujiya & Miyagi: "Collarbone"
10. Young Galaxy: "Outside the City" 

Finally, let me introduce you to two new Superanimals I recently came across. I like to think of the Toygers as Rockstars and the Skinny Pigs as Supermodels. See, I told ya I had baby animals on the brain!

Rock on,

Miss Misty Ri

Here at Clubplanet, my job consists of looking for trashed celebs entering or exiting clubs. It's a good blog day when one of those Hollywood whores "accidentally" flashes the paps or when a Disney stars "accidentally" sends naked pictures of herself to her co-stars.

Today, I will deviate and show you Miss. Nicole Richie. While she has never flashed her va-jay-jay to the world, she has been arrested and was a druggie for a while. That makes her a VIP Clubplaneteer.

Here she is preggers and in no condition to party. Heroin free is the way to be!