Since time immemorial, Rockstars and Supermodels have enjoyed a symbiotic, sensationalist relationship. Thus, it seems fitting that my CMJ week was speckled with supermodel gossip. And, no, I don't intend to wax poetic about "America's Next Top Model" here, as I do believe that show and its insane clown-resemblin', bad-mamma-jamma, former-supermodel, take-me to-your-leader Tyra Banks prey upon impressionable young women. What? You're surprised that Misty has a social conscience? Don't worry, I won't be adopting a third world orphan any time soon, though I often have baby animals on the brain....

As the former caterpillars (baby butterflies?) above my eyes were waxed and plucked and snipped by my esthetician last week, I witnessed first-hand what FONCS ("Fear of Naomi Campbell Syndrome") can do to a person. My brow barber, known to many as the Eyebrow Nazi, was in a tizzy over the fact that a New York Times reporter had mistakenly (hmmm...) claimed that the aggressive supermodel was dropped as a client. Over the past six months I've gotten my brows beautified for free, but after sharing her tales of "Na-Woe-Is-Me", the Eyebrow Nazi suddenly decided it was time to start charging me -- despite the fact that she did a shitty job this session. I should've charged HER for listening to all that broken English moaning and groaning while she groomed me (to the tune of $55 per 15 minute session, FYI). Then again, everything's a barter deal in this industry. 

But anyway, on the opposite side of the Supermodel spectrum from Campbell, there's Christy Turlington. According to my interview with her, she was the most "punctual, polite, and professional" model of her era, which are the qualities she cites that made her stand out from the sea of pretty faces and gaunt bodies that huddled beside her for warmth in the squathouse. I mean, on the catwalk. Nowadays she's known as Mrs. Ed Burns, who is not officially a rockstar, but does in fact have a band called the Blue Jackets. 

Listening to Christy speak, I imagined her to be a fantastic wife and mother. Cool, calm, ethereally beautiful (a series of Christy Turlington mannequins were crafted exclusively for the Costume Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art when she was named "The Face of the 20th Century"), Turlington-Burns had an angelic air that *almost* rendered her boring. But then a friend told me she had a lesbian (bisexual is probably more accurate) affair with Cindy Crawford back in the day. I had no idea! Sure enough, cameras have caught her smooching other Superhoochies on more than one occasion. Suddenly, I had a deepened appreciation for Christy's pop cultural value. Either way, George Michael's "Freedom 90" is one of the best videos of all time:

(As an aside, I once stood behind Linda Evangelista at the Citibank ATM on 23rd & 6th. I later learned she was like six months pregnant at the time -- and I totally did not notice -- which just goes to show how skinny they all are.)

Now, here's a Top Ten list of the all-time most compelling "When Rockstar Met Supermodel" couples:

1. Paulina Porizkova and Ric Ocasek: His funky mug is gonna drive her home, tonight.
2. Christy Brinkley and Billy Joel: I don't care if it's lame, I stlll love "Uptown Girl."
3. Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour: She wore a mini-wedding dress in the "November Rain" video. Tres chic!
4. Rachel Hunter and Rod Stewart: If you want Rod's body and you think he's sexy...you're probably a blonde model. The man has a harem -- WTF?!
5. Heidi Klum and Seal: Frau Klum-Seal told Oprah this week it was love at first sight of her man's package.
6. Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall: I think these two might've started the trend.
7. David Bowie and Iman: Respect, yo.
8. Kate Moss and Pete Doherty: What a coupla' wankers.
9.Claudia Schiffer and David Copperfield: Wait. That doesn't count!
10. Petra Nemcova and James Blunt: OK, they were really the *least* compelling pair -- tied with Elaine Irwin and John Cougar Mellencamp. 

And now, what you've all been waiting for -- my indulgent Top Ten list of favorite musical acts and the Supersongs heard on/around CMJ week this year (in no particular order):

1. Dri: "You Know I Tried"
2. Fourth of July: "Surfer Dude"  
3. Gabby Glaser (formerly of Luscious Jackson): "Naturally High" 
4. Dirty on Purpose: "Girls and Sunshine"   
5. The Teenagers: "Homecoming" 
6. Small Sins: "We Will Break Our Own Hearts" 
7.The Brunettes: "Her Hairagami Set"
8. Culture Reject: "Inside the Cinema" 
9.Fujiya & Miyagi: "Collarbone"
10. Young Galaxy: "Outside the City" 

Finally, let me introduce you to two new Superanimals I recently came across. I like to think of the Toygers as Rockstars and the Skinny Pigs as Supermodels. See, I told ya I had baby animals on the brain!

Rock on,

Miss Misty Ri