For any of you who give a shit about my real identity, I recently had a small cameo in that SNL parody song with Andy Samberg and Adam Levine (of Maroon 5) last week. (Fun fact #103: I once was a video hoochie!) I was walking through my neighborhood and, quite literally, "I Ran" into the cast and crew filming. They even shot for a bit in the secret garden where I bring guys to make out. So, if you look reeeeeally closely, you just might catch a glimpse of moi -- good luck! Anyway, it's a brilliant little ditty: "You can deny the holocaust all you want/But you can't deny that there's something between us." So wrong, yet so hilarious. Even "Donnie Darko" makes an appearance! Listen up Jake Gyllenhaal, I say commit to Reese Witherspoon. Hollywood and the media and even your fans understand the burden of Ryan Phillippe's spawn, but I can really see it working between you two. She's a southern girl, she'll have your children (too), and everyone will be cool with it -- especially if you befriend Scummy Ryan the way Demi and Ashton adopted Bruce Willis...except, different, 'cuz Bruce basically finances that joke. Seriously folks, they don't call me Miss Misty Cleo Rios for nuthin'.
Speaking of Ryan Phillippe, there was this dude I used to know-in-the-biblical-sense in college that we (yes - WE - as in, at least five of my friends hooked up with him at some point too --gross) thought looked like a darker, but equally "cruel intentioned" version of the actor. Sleazy but charming, Phi Delta Dan was the exact kind of manwhore that dim bulb actresses like Heather Graham fall for. I interviewed her recently and the blondie locks beauty explained:
"I don't know if all girls have these moments or if it's just me, but you fall really in love with some guy and you think, 'If I'm not with this guy, I'm going to die -- I need to be with him!' It's probably just a low self-esteem thing, but every now and then I'll get a feeling like I have to work it out with this one guy in order to feel good about myself... that experience where you fall in love with a bad boy because he's not really good for you, and then you fall down that slippery slope of he's a total asshole and you gotta get away from it. It's almost like being addicted to 
drugs or alcohol."
Wow! That's intense, Heather. Are you that in love with your boyfriend, Star Room owner Charles Ferri?
"Yes. But he's a good boy, a very good boy. He kind of has a big nose, and I think it's really cute. It was one of the first things I noticed."
Yeah, me too, each time he hits on me.
Anyway, if you've seen the new Shape Magazine cover, it appears Felicity Shagwell has bigger things to worry about. Bigger even then her boyfriend's nose and loose libido. Maybe we should ask Bridget Moynahan or this no-name nympho to confirm the hermaphrodite rumor. Oops, did I just start that rumor?!
Posted Feb 13, 2007
Another beauty with a thing for bad boys (Did you know the song "Baby Boy" was originally called "Bad Boy"? OK, I just made that up too!): Beyonce Knowles. However, Miss Queen Booty has successfully tamed and trained her former drug dealing sugar daddy, Jay-Z. With his estimated net worth of $547 million plus her $317 million, what are these two lovey-dovey-songbirds waiting for? Together they're almost a couple of billionaires. I mean, the wedding gifts alone should be enough to put them over the edge. Anyway, I chatted up the Bootylicious one last week, and she was eager to discuss her main man.
Misty: What are you listening to now?
Beyonce: Well, Jay's in the studio and his album is incredible. I will definitely have that in my ipod."
Misty: Are you excited that he's recording again?
Beyonce: "Oh yeah! It's the best I've ever heard from him, so I'm really happy."
Misty: Did you know he would come out of retirement?
Beyonce: "I know when you love music that it's hard to get away. I'm supposed to be on vacation, but I've been in the studio because that's what I love to do. I don't feel like it's my job. It's a blessing for me to be able to do what I love. That's how it is for everyone who loves music. I knew it would be difficult for him because it's a part of our make-up."
You see, Jay doesn't just like her because of that naturally slammin' bod and bootay, they have a musical connection. Very sweet. Now marry her, HOVA! To be fair, I think Mama and Papa Knowles have some say in this matter. Solange is a single mother, and nobody wants to see Beyonce end up like that...except maybe blogger Christine Coppa.
In fact, I've witnessed Jay-Z and Beyonce's baby-love first hand a few of times. I watched them get jiggy on the dance floor at Universal Music chairman L.A. Reid's 50th birthday and sixth wedding anniversary bash at Nobu 57 last year. Power manager Benny Medina summed up the event best, "When you walk into a party and you start dancing with Oprah Winfey, you bump into Janet Jackson, you're being held onto by Mariah Carey, and Lionel Richie is singing, now THAT'S a party!!!" It's true, the party was a "Who's Who" of mega-celebrities, but per usual, I was most impressed by the food: A sushi buffet lined the back wall, complete with an assortment of sashimi, edamame, sliced beef, black cod, noodles and much more, while waiters circulated the party with even more food. Two bars were set up, and cocktail waitresses passed a special mango martini for the occasion. 
Rihanna, merely 17 at the time, was another party goer, and she kept getting mistaken for Ciara (also present). Strangely, the Umbrella diva (Heather Graham's favorite song, FYI) was not interested in the scrump-diddily-umptous cuisine (but Star Jones was), telling me, "I don't eat at parties. I'm just all about the music and dancing and having something to drink and having fun." I hope she was drinking a virgin mangotini! Meanwhile, bad boy Josh Harnett, 29, better not be slipping her drinks on the sly -- she's only 19 -- but that hasn't stopped the two from public displays of canoodling at Pink Elephant. He's a dawg, but a damn sexy if not ultra intelligent one. And us smart sistas know that's the best kind!
So, I'm hearing conflicting reports about the In Touch Weekly 5th Anniversary Party at Tenjune last week. A Dan Klores publicist told me that the event was a total shit show, despite appearances by Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri, as well as a performance by Kanye. Oh, and apparently actress Emmy Rossum was turned away from the VIP section. Haha! I love that, she's so lame and self-righteous. When news of Ryan and Reese's divorce first started to circulate, she blathered on and on to me about how everyone should respect their privacy. Thanks for the interesting sound bite, babe. By the way, nobody cares about your singing career. Anyway, my editor buddy at In Touch said the party was totally fun, and my Jossip editrix friend said her young Texan intern was running around taking extreme close-up snaps of all the celebs which must have been fun for her, if not Kanye. I was invited to the soiree, but decided to pass. I fucking hate Tenjune.
Update: My dream girl Penelope Cruz has a new man, Javier Bardem )! They co-starred in the Spanish film "Jamon, Jamon" back in 1992, so they clearly go way back. Penny should have spared us all the Tom Cruise/Matthew McConaughey/Orlando Bloom drama and gotten together with Javier 15 years ago. Those loco ninos! You have Misty's blessing.
Finally, I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to "The Game" author and pick-up artist 
extraordinaire Neil Strauss. He turned 37 this weekend. Back story: After we were put in touch by a mutual friend two years ago, Neil pursued me for a while. When I finally agreed to a dinner date at Megu, he brought along some rich 'n geeky tech company owner to pay for it, as well as another girl who was maybe 21-years-old and exceedingly vapid. It was quite an odd evening, especially when his ex-girlfriend Lisa Leveridge (Courtney Love's guitarist) showed up. I felt like there was a hidden camera somewhere, kind of like all those dudes on Mystery's VH1 show "The Pickup Artist." Fun fact #312: My friend Kalto once hooked up with Mystery before he was famous -- he was a mere magician at the time and he levitated her! Way cooler than nerdy Neil. Fun fact #313: I chose to go on a first date with D.Money instead of hanging out with Neil aka "Style" in LA once upon a summer. Some pick-up artist he is!
Ciao for now, Misty "Annihiliation Method" Rios
p.s. I'm not ashamed - OK, maybe just a little - to admit I love Tila Tequila's new VH1 show, "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila". Even Clubplanet's EIC agrees with me!