I don't know if it's post VMA traumatic stress disorder or what, but I had this bizarre dream last night that Britney Spears was my sister (I guess that makes me Jamie Lynn?), Darth Vader was my father, Carmen Electra was doing one of her Pussycat Dolls routines on top of my bed, and in the meantime, the world was in the throes of Intergalactic Armageddon. You just can't make this shit up! And now, let me present to you some behind the scenes footage from the making of the "Baby Love" video by former-Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger, featuring will.i.am:

Is it just me or is she like totally Kim Kardashian's c*nt double? Check out my (second) favorite Kimmy K. video:

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Anyway, before we vacate the topic of making shit up, I have something to say: After sharing a large bottle of sake with a publicist friend at Momofuku the other night, I pranced over to my friend Krafty's apartment for a night cap of wine and freshly baked weed cookies. Krafty mentioned that she'd read my latest column and admitted, "If I didn't know you, I'd think you were making it up." Hmph! And the next night, over drinks at Room Service, my man friend Matty Scores suggested that some female readers think I'm full of myself because of all the tales of male admirers. What can I say other than believe it bitches! Seriously, my life isn't all celebrity parties and sex games. Right now it's 2 in the afteroon, and I'm sitting around in my pj's tweezing stray pubic hairs while I try to come up with something interesting to say. (True story: My friend JA tweezes it all off -- ouch!)

Speaking of grass on the field, I bet Evan Rachel Wood doesn't have much -- and that's just the way Marilyn Manson likes her. I caught up with the totally-weird-but-maybe-they-kinda-sorta-make-sense twosome last week at a screening of Woody's Beatles movie musical Across the Universe. When I interviewed her two years ago for her bad girl turn in the indie film Pretty Persuasion, Woody told me that she had a crush on her older man co-star Ed Norton from Down in the Valley, as well as "Ewan McGregor and David Bowie. All the guys that wear eyeliner -- that really helps," she confessed. See, it all makes perfect sense now! This time around, the semi-goth ingenue told me that her morbid main squeeze Marilyn is the "sexiest man" in the world. Judging from this video, either she 100% means it or she's an even better actress than I originally thought.

Poor ex-Mrs. Manson, Dita Von Teese. She never stood a chance against this Lolita-like little girl. (Woody's 19 but she looks 15. Marilyn is 38 but looks dead.) Rumor has it that Manson dumped Dita because Evan likes getting "donkey punched" during sex. Considering this excerpt from her movie Thirteen, the tall tale rings true:

It's funny though, a couple of years back I would've pegged Scarlett Johansson as the freaky sex lovin' type, not Evan Rachel. You know, right around that time when she was dating dirtball Jared Leto and "apparently" had sex with Benicio Del Toro in the elevator of the Chateau Marmont Hotel post-Oscars? (Hey, I'd get busy with anyone who looked like the dark-haired, evil twin version of Brad Pitt too!) Anyway, I love Scarlett -- she's one of my all-time favorite interviewees. When we met at the premiere of The Island she had a great sense of humor. As we were chatting, the photographers started yelling at her to turn to them at different angles...

"Do they ever use those over the shoulder poses? I don't get it! I never see them anywhere," Scarlett pondered.

"The tabloids use them sometimes," I offered.

"Unfortunately, I don't patronize tabloid magazines," Scar-Jo replied all-too-knowingly.

"So, where's Josh (Hartnett) tonight?" I ventured.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" she demurred.

Only my Scarlett could be that undercover bitchy yet make me love her even more. She's one sharp, blonde crayon! Nowadays, Harnett is history and my girl crush is dating my boy crush: Ryan Reynolds. I really adore those two together! And I want to be a fly on the wall -- or an extra body in the bed -- when they invite their exes Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel over for biscuits and gravy.

In other couples news, bad boy Heath Ledger has been cavorting around town with former supermodel Helena Christensen since the break-up with baby mama Michelle Williams. Helena may be kinda old (though Heath likes 'em older, remember his fling with Naomi Watts?) Oh, and who could forget this steamy video... Helena at her hottest, but even at 39 she still looks damn good!



Finally, if you ask me, 39-year-old "Grey's Anatomy" star Kate Walsh is starting to look/act like a loony old bag already. Honestly, in some pics -- especially when she has bangs -- she reminds me of the horrid Kathy Griffin. No? 

A source recently wrote in: "I have a crazy story of Kate Walsh's wedding to 20th Century Fox co-prez Alex Young at the Ojai Valley Inn over the weekend. The power went out, then she had a panic attack in the middle of the ceremony and walked out with Alex, came back 10 minutes later. She apologized to the guests, saying that she was really nervous, hands got clammy, and she started to freak b/c her relationship was only 4 months old, and that she had her doubts but she knew this was the right decision. Finally went through with the ceremony. But how crazy is that? And how humiliating for her husband? This marriage ain't lasting for long."

Yowza! "Private Practice" debuts on ABC Sept. 26.

Toodles,
Misty "Dream Weaver" Rios