I recently went to the grand opening of PinkRoom, the newest DJ booth – I mean, club – in South Beach. If you are a devoted raver or a true house music fan, you know by now that God is a DJ. And if God was a DJ, you would look for him or her in a heavenly DJ booth. Well the owners of PinkRoom have taken that religious dance party creed to the max. They have created the most elaborate DJ booth EVER for fans to worship their holy DJ.
The DJ booth sits front and center in the middle of an elevated stage. The booth itself is a large, curved high-tech screen projecting videos, and the backdrop is a gigantic futuristic wall of images dotted with countless LED lights. Bright would be an understatement when the booth and backdrop are both flashing electric-colored animated films at the same time. Wearing sunglasses at night inside a club is sometimes considered cool, but in this case, it might just be a medical necessity to protect one's eyes.
Both sides of this illuminated Times-Square-like stage were guarded by two big guys in black suits and pink ties. Barely dressed go-go girls (by far the best kind) are the only ones let on the DJ stage – who said being a DJ doesn’t have its perks? However, while Ron Luna is an amazing DJ and while the dancing girls were indeed gorgeous, the two bouncers sort of gave me that “you can look but don’t touch anything onstage” feeling you find in strip clubs. Not only is it unnerving, but in the case of PinkRoom, also unnecessary. From my perspective, it didn’t look like anyone in the crowd was going to bother the DJ or rape the dancing girls, or possibly bother the dancing girls and rape the DJ. (Sorry Ron, you’re cute… but two body guards?) I think it would have been less threatening and way cooler to put the bouncers in pink suits instead of black suits. After all, the club is called PinkRoom, not “Men in Black” room.
However, nothing, not even the burly stage bouncers could hold back the extraordinary computerized digital lightshow that beamed through the night, flashing both around AND behind the DJ. Serious money was spent on this lightshow and serious money was spent on the sound system. It seemed as if every table that shelled out for bottles of booze got their own personal speaker… finally something extra for the big spending customer other than a small bowl of strawberries. There were speakers upon speakers. This guaranteed that you could only dance with the people around you and not speak to them (which is the ideal volume you want… you come to DANCE, not chat)! Big club sound in a small venue is intense. It makes for a musical experience that pounds through your ears, your brain and every bone in your body. On the right drug, I’ve heard it is amazing and on the wrong drug, I’m sure it is annoying. Personally, I like an extreme light show and sound design under all conditions, so I was a happy disco camper.
As far as the décor, some of the ultra-plush suede couches were pink, while others were black. I would have made them all pink – stick to the theme! Colored spotlights bounced off the energetic crowd all night – again, I would have preferred shades of pink light only. The bars themselves were probably the prettiest bars on the planet, with hundreds of pink roses embedded in large, brightly lit lucite bar tops. They were stunning and a pleasure to lean on! You could almost smell fresh flowers while sipping your champagne cocktail. Once again, if it were my club, I would only serve pink champagne and pink drinks of all kinds.
Look me in the eyes! Actually, look her in the eyes! A giant photograph of a woman’s super sexy, gorgeous eyes takes up the whole wall behind the bar – mesmerizing! However, on the other wall, her eyes are completely closed – not mesmerizing. This wall needs either another set of sexy female eyes or, to be fair to the opposite sex, a pair of sexy male eyes. Also turn the eyes pink please! The entire experience should be unreal. Otherworldly is my standard.
That brings me to the bathrooms, an area of a club that many owners do not pay enough attention to or forget entirely. Not in this case. PinkRoom has the pinkest bathrooms in town –any town! When I walked into the men’s room, I was so thrown off by all the pink that I thought I was in the wrong bathroom. I thought for a moment that I should squat and pee in one of the booths. Halfway through my stream, I started getting comfortable with my surroundings.
Altogether, PinkRoom is a great place and a wonderful addition to the South Beach club scene. As long as they stick to house music every night, they will be blessed with my presence. While the super good-looking crowd (both men and women) would look good in any outfits, I suggest management force its patrons to wear something pink if they wish to enter. I plan to revisit PinkRoom (when I return from New York next season) and hope that a giant PINK panther, a litter of PINK pussycats and a pair of hot PINK lips are lined up waiting for me! And you might as well throw in a few PINK flamingos while you’re at it! I dig the way they can stand on one leg.
Life at best is short. PARTY TILL YOU DIE!
-Sir Ivan aka Peaceman
“The Party King of the World”
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