I’ve never made a big deal about prostitution: she’s only a whore if your check clears… Nothing proves this philosophy better than Provocateur owners Mike Satsky and Brian Gefter. Hookers know when they’re about to get fucked, but Provocateur is bent over and doesn’t see it coming. Fueled by disorganization and piss-poor management, the proprietors have irritated more people than me at a Catholic Mass.
Sources have reported that the venue is nine months behind in rent and the principals are two stripper poles away from Federal indictment for tax evasion and illegal liquor purchases to the “Provocative” tune of $300,000. According to information from several former employees, checks bounce harder than a Puerto Rican with hydraulics and clear as often as a Sikhs’ upgrade on El Al.
If I had a Shekel for every negative notion I’ve heard about this place, I would open my own shiksa-safe house. The detested door divas, (especially one named “Sheena”) are the hottest things since the EZ-bake oven. As expected, they come equipped with the juvenile attention span of a Hasbro® Ho. These door girls are unpleasant and equally un-empowered. Unlike the similarly hated Rope Rat Aalex Julian, they can usually only mouth go/no-go decisions when being moron-Morse code fed through an earpiece connected to Michael Dollaway, the Director of Operations.
How to get in.
Confuse Alexis. Try a card trick. Pull out a “King of Clubs” and tell her it’s the new VIP pass. Or try Sheena. Ask her a question she won’t possibly know the answer to. Like what other employees does owner Mike Satsky sleep with? As a last resort, do what I do when I want a retarded hot chick to answer the doorbell: ring her phone.
Things have gotten bleak and the remaining staff is starting to notice – Provocateur has a higher turn-over rate than a Paramus pig on Percocet. It won’t be long till they too will be on their backs. Bad notes are their currency. I’d sooner accept an Enron Enema than a drink ticket from Brian Gefter. At least an enema comes with great service. Come on in to Provocateur have a Valtrex and Vodka with a splash of ‘tude. Say "Uncle Sam’s list" at the door.
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The comments stated in this column are Justin Ross Lee's personal opinions and do not represent the opinion of Clubplanet.com or any one of its parent companies.