Every article on JEWced with JRL has spawned a reaction. As a satiric columnist, I write with comedic candor. Keeping it “foreskin free,” I refuse to censor my shtick or Curb my EnJEWsiasm. Whether dirty looks from coat check girls, grief from smokers or pressure from promoters, my column should always be taken with a grain of Kosher salt. However, one doorman just couldn’t handle it.
I could never have predicted what was to occur in the early morning hours of Sunday, March 21st.
Here’s what went down:
Fresh off the Jet from LAX, I meet up with several Shiksa Supremes and head over to 1Oak. My taxi drops me off in front of Avenue where doorman Rich Thomas and I exchange our regular salutations – after all, he is “Number 1” in my book. Twenty minutes later, my friend and I spot a lone Richard Thomas lurking around 1Oak and he appears to be looking for me. In disbelief that he left his doorman post at Avenue, we watch as Rich circles around me. He approaches and I ask him how his newfound fame of making my “Most Hated List” is treating him. We discuss a few other topics including how the dancing is going at Avenue (New York Magazine responded to my article exposing that the club operates without a cabaret license). Rich smiles warmly and says, “You’re fucking with the wrong people. I am going to fucking kill you.” It’s then that I reply, “Rich, look down, I’m filming our conversation.” Rich spots my Flip Video Camera, winds up (what seemed like) all of his strength, punches me in the stomach and grabs the HD camera out of my hand. After recovering from having the wind knocked out of me, I look up to see Rich (with my camera) racing for the door, fleeing the scene and 1Oak security.
NYPD shows up in front of the venue in search of Rich Thomas. According to Officer Edgar of the 10th precinct, they have a material witness, security camera footage, my testimony, and the word of 1Oak’s security team. “This is more than enough for him [Rich] to be arrested on felony charges,” Officer Edgar remarked. In New York State when you strike someone using force and then steal something, it’s not classified as Misdemeanor Grand Larceny, but as a Felony Robbery in addition to Assault.
Arrest assured, I will follow up the moment I hear of Richard’s “arrested development.” I’ve always thought that if I were to be robbed, the assailant would come from an alley and not an Avenue. Fortunately for Rich, Central Booking doesn’t require a table reservation. I hope he enjoys the “Flip” side. Perhaps next time he’ll act more Strategically.
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The comments stated in this column are Justin Ross Lee's personal opinions and do not represent the opinion of Clubplanet.com or any one of its parent companies.
