Instant gratification – that very concept is what our generation has craved since the invention of the Apple II computer back in the 80’s. With every new (and expensive) upgrade to our technology, the connectivity becomes a little faster between us and whatever we are looking to find out and enjoy. This concept of instant gratification has extended to the 20 something’s concept of a weekend as well. Just like the fourth-meal from Taco Bell, two days could no longer contain the amount of instant kicking back and heading out that we so viciously crave. The solution? Add Thursday (and sometimes Tuesday) to the mix. With the addition of more super-fun-time to your weekly schedule (and presumably) less work time as a result of that fun, how can your wallet possibly keep up with your Blackberry alerting, Facebook status updating 24-hour party people existence? Demonstrate faux first class! Unless you are a part of Diddy’s entourage or have a ballin’ bling-daddy that doesn’t mind a few leaches here and there, there are a few very important things to think about when rent’s due but that beautiful blonde that caught up with you last week’s blowing up your phone for another night of debauchery. Here are some easy ways to paint the town and get KRUNK without having to hit up AMSCOT the morning after.
Originally taken from the idea of tailgating before a football game so that you don’t have to pay $10 for an 8 oz bottle of Bud Light in the stadium, bring the party to the pickup and fill the bed with some ice and hit up the 7-11! How does this translate into your evening? You’re already going to spend about $10 on cover (at least) can you really afford a $7 Jack and Coke in a dixie cup, three-quarters filled with ice? Hell NO! Hit up the nearest liquor store at about 9:30 p.m., grab that bottle of Jager or Goldschlager and make a drinking game out of the Jay Leno Show. An hour later you are at maximum party velocity and probably only need to spring for a $2.50 PBR to keep the buzz going strong and keep up appearances that you are indeed partying. **Make sure to get a DD or a cab in this case, this way you can avoid the flashing lights and live to partay another day**
FREE DRINK PROMOTIONS
Do you have the internet? (Yes this is a rhetorical question). In between tweeting about your plans for the night and lurking that blonde’s Facebook, run a search for “Free drink night in (insert city here).” With a little luck and some patience, you will easily find 2-3 different bars that are sponsoring “Free drinks til’ 11.” Most of the time these specials act as an incentive to get the people in early, liquor them up and than they will buy more drinks when the bell is sounded and the special ends. Take advantage of this! Is Skyy Vodka releasing coffee flavored spirits? It’ll probably be free somewhere close to where you want to end up! Take $5 with you for tips, post up at the bar and shoot those bad boys down until the stroke of 11. One hour of your time will get you 100% drunker than if you got there an hour later… and all for the price of a tip. Do this and continue with your night as planned!
WELL-DRINKS GET YOU JUST AS DRUNK
Okay, so the first two options are 86ed because that pesky job of yours had the nerve to keep you there until CLOSING TIME, and you’ve barely enough time to get home, get showered and get dressed before the cover goes up even HIGHER What do you do? Most liquor the same type is the same color in most cases…that means that nobody can tell that your Jack on the rocks is actually Early Morning Kentucky Bourbon that costs about 50% less per pour than Jack Daniels. Not all liquor is created equally, and there will be obvious differences (at least in the first few drinks) that you’re not sipping on Grey Goose and lime to your taste buds, but your nervous system that cages the party animal inside won’t know the difference! Just keep saying to yourself that in 20 minutes it wont matter… ** A word to the wise, do not attempt the switch if you are on a first date, picking up someone at a bar using the “Can I buy you a drink?” method, or otherwise needing to impress someone...
DON'T DRINK SO FRIGGIN' MUCH
Okay so your taste buds are discrete and refined, and will not accept anything besides Johnny Walker Black or Cristal, your inherent Baller status can not be compromised under any circumstances. What do you do? Milk that glass like it’s a golden cow representing the utmost in taste and class for as long as you possibly can! Maybe a little coherency is a good thing! Not EVERYONE at a bar (surprisingly) is as wasted as YOU were last Friday, and to some patrons a bar is a place to meet someone who you will actually want to remember in the morning. Apparently there is a whole segment of the population that weighs sobriety with a hint of relaxation and refined taste in very high esteem. Shine those shoes, dry clean the shirt and put on those reading glasses. It’s time to be yourself, and not the drunken evil twin that lives inside your liver.