Overheard conversations in big cities reveal much about the collective psychology of an urban population. New Yorkers lament their high rent, cutthroat jobs, and sing dirges for neighborhood bars replaced by Kate Spade shops. Los Angeles denizens discuss screenplays and traffic congestion, Chicagoans shake fists about the beleaguered El, and Bostonians shake their heads over the influx of college students.
District Columbians gather round their pitchers with the following conversation pieces:
"Have you been to Ralph Lauren Rugby lately? Their new chinos have a great fit."
"I went to Brown. Where'd you get your doctorate?"
"Yes, she was recently put on the Power 100 list in Washington Life magazine. She's been such an incredible mentor."
For anyone who lives and breathes for reruns of American Perspectives on C-SPAN, the paltry DC nightlife seems like a small price to pay to live in a city of that will change the world—one teeny incremental policy at a time. Yet the DC outsiders who abstain from bloodless policy-fussing can lose their sanity in this swampy city of presidential hopefuls and Young Republicans. Luckily there’s a heterogeneous cadre of vibrant young people who patronize venues free of ascots and comb-overs. For those few brave iconoclasts, there are a handful of alcoholic oases that offer personality and a boozey good time.
Wonderland Ballroom
1101 Kenyon St., NW 20010
Outfitted like a Midwestern flea-market—jumbled vintage signs and all—Wonderland offers a beer-stocked island in an ocean of leafy Northwest neighborhoods. Far off the beaten yuppie path, yet not a long walk from the Columbia Heights Metro (use the buddy system, please!), it's the bar around the corner with an eclectic twist. An energetic, casual crowd dominates the scene, outfitted in worn Levi's. There's no pretension in those pockets though- even the arty set come not to judge, but to have a down-home good time sipping PBR, Stella Artois, and frosty Yuenglings. The beer rotation fluxes with the season, keeping beer connoisseurs on their toes as they sit at tables topped with the logo from Popeyes, DC/Maryland/Virginia’s beloved fried chicken joint. We hope your stomach's tuned for rapid digestion, because once you've had your fill of sausage and beer (that’s right, sausage), head upstairs for the thumping-est, sweatiest, funnest dance party this side of the Lincoln Memorial.
Click here for more info on Wonderland Ballroom.
Flying Fish
815 A King St., Alexandria, 22314
Across the Potomac and along the brick streets of one of the South's crowning cities, Old Town's Flying Fish restaurant has drawn patrons with its expert sushi and art deco diner décor. This little diner has made no secret about its restauranting entrepreneurship, but underneath the bustling waiters lies a secret: down a flight of stairs lies an undercover, windowless Speak Easy. Unlike the ground floor diner, Flying Fish’s subterranean bar is anonymously outfitted with booths and stools. Behind the bar wait three dapper beer butlers dressed to impress in starched white shirts and black suspenders; and while they do wear bow ties, too, they are not of the Brooks Brothers-persuasion. A tiny dance floor draws a mix of young professionals and raven haired rockers who dance to gay-friendly tunes like David Bowie. After dark, the crowd gets absolutely kinetic, with music-blasting and glass-smashing. When we were there last, a new bride was tearing it up, glass raised high, with whatever eligible young gentlemen stumbled near her. We never did find the groom.
Click here for more info on Flying Fish.
Galaxy Hut
2711 Wilson Blvd. Arlington 22201
Your nerdy art school friend majored in computer animation and then decided to open a bar: this is the place. Galaxy Hut has a playful, cosmic fingerpaint vibe evident even from its exterior. A shiny, diorama-like display beckons those who desperately desire respite from the 9 to 5 grind and Arlington’s Pottery Barn aesthetics. Galaxy assails the eyes with retro-kitsch, and the walls are laden with Christmas bulbs and local artwork. The intimacy of the dimly lit room that seats a mere 48 patrons allows for non-pretentious social interaction on a grand scale. The finger food is a fun break from the overpriced tapas peddled elsewhere, including tater tots, a hummus platter, and vegan sausage. Show up Thursday, Friday, or Saturday, and you'll get a dash of live music along with your Flying Saucer Pizza.
Click here for more info on Galaxy Hut.
Palace of Wonders
1210 H St., NE 20002
Weird birds and ugly ducklings will finally feel at home at the Palace of Wonders, while newcomers to this bar/carnival/mini museum of oddities may find themselves utterly speechless. Virgin eyes will widen over the tantalizing display of sword swallowing, fire blowing, and various forms of human torture that far exceed the rigors of counting Super Tuesday primary votes. Said acts are narrated by a man with the booming panache of a Roaring Twenties ringmaster ("Ladies and Gentleman, I dare you to open your eyes and behold before you a feat of courage and utter recklessness the likes of which has raaaaarely been seen!") The entire second story is devoted to all manner of biological freakologies, populated by the like of a two-headed turtle, a three-eyed skull, and their contemporaries. If Puddles the Headless Duckling isn't enough to stir your senses (and make you lose your lunch), then the nightly troupe of tattooed vaudevillians will command attention by belly dancing, inserting sewing needles through tongues, and other cringe-inducing, wildly fantastic feats. Don't forget to bring a little extra cash to get in the door, and for the extra drink you'll need to fully process all this anachronistic chaos.
Click here for more info on Palace of Wonders.
