Warm winds have finally arrived, bringing with them the season for camping, outdoor shows, beachside antics, and leisurely baseball games. With outdoor amusements numbering as high as your sunscreen’s SPF, why not toast Mother Nature with a swig from your flask? Oh right: because legions of rent-a-cops comb through parks scouting out publically intoxicated picnickers, bored security guards rifling through tote bags will toss out any obvious containers of liquor, and Clubplanet’s lawyers will get their silk boxers in a twist if they find out we’re advocating outdoor boozing. Fool them all with these sneaky flasks that masquerade as objects that litter the interior of the most wholesome picnic basket.
“No officer, this is just my…”
Cell Phone
A phone that gets you drunk without letting you dial your ex? Why didn’t we think of this? This 5” Nokia twin even has a leather clip-on attachment for your belt, rendering it seemingly innocuous to suspicious eyes—unless they catch you taking a hit from the antenna mouthpiece.
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Pair of Binoculars
Sorry Dad, but even the phrase “Let’s go bird-watching early Saturday morning” makes us grope around for the nearest container of alcohol. These binoculars pass mustard with yellow-finch enthusiasts and park rangers alike, and come with a small funnel for easy pouring. The eyepieces double as pouring spouts, and the body features two separate 8 oz chambers to separate your rum from the Gatorade. Click here for more info.
Travel Container
Okay, so the “TRAVEL FLASK” label could have been smoother, but this plastic 16oz container keeps good company with those mini hand lotion and sunscreen bottles that clutter the bottom of our summer tote bags. Besides, even cops have better things to do than squint at the fine print on your travel-sized paraphernalia.
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Pewter Fish
This lightweight metal fish looks like a small keepsake and holds 5 ounces of booze. If anyone demands to know what’s inside, bring up the fact that fish like the taste of worms kept inside pewter containers.
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Keychain
Taking the bottle-opener keychain one step further, this mini-flask is a nice addition to your mini-license plate, mini-disco ball, mini-dice, and other mini-baubles attached to your house keys.
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Sandal
Admittedly, we find the pictures of alcohol pouring from the side of a sandal a little unnerving, but the promise of 6 extra ounces of liquor (3oz per shoe) to take the edge off a sunburned afternoon at the beach is too tempting to pass up. The sandals come with an opening unlocked with a church key.
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Belt Buckle
The 2oz container is magnetized to the larger belt buckle ensemble, so you won’t have to depants to take a swig. The blocky shape is none-too-subtle, so it helps to have a bit of a beer belly jutting over the twist-off lid that would disguise the incriminating shape.
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Pepski Can
Though technically not a flask, these clever little vinyl wrappers go over your beer cans to disguise their true contents. Reusable and convincing from a distance, just make sure you don’t “Mountain Spew” all over the grass in front of suspicious onlookers.
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