Welcome to the second edition of Clubplanet of the Apes. The first issue was such a success, I decided to get off my ass and do it all over again. For those who didn't tune in last week, I'm doing a weekly celebration of all things ugly and painfully ugly. This time, I'm inviting Diana and Mike G as guest commentators. Nothin' like shitting on complete strangers with some good friends.
For a peek at last week's lovefest, click here.
And now, for your consideration, here are your Clubplanet Apes of the Week:
Ape Keeper: While down in Miami, I couldn’t help but notice the proliferation of glittery/bedazzled/rainbow coalition shirts glaring out of store windows. Who the hell decided das-über-gay was the new straight? That honor goes to Christian Audiger and Ed Hardy. It was like a unicorn tackled this kid and took a shit on his chest.
Mike G: Dude, she likes anal.
Ape Keeper: She should’ve saved money on those tits and tattoos and bought some better fitting pants. Then again, who knows? Those varicose veins could very well hold the secret map to the City of Atlantis. And those cock-eyed nipples, a compass.
Ape Keeper: Not another one. Honey, please go home to your kid… or kids from the looks of those tracks.
Mike G: Try cocoa butter, it helps.
Diana: Nothing can help this woman.
Ape Keeper: Girls Gone Wild.. for Twinkies!
Mike G: Can I get some butter on that roll?
Diana: I guess Photoshop was broken that day.
Ape Keeper: Quickly! Someone spray acid in my eyes! I’d rather be blind than have to look another second at this human sausage casing.