If you believe (like I believe) that Hollywood is just like high school, then you'll probably agree that New York City is the really high-falutin', hoity-toity private boarding school version of that hell-ish institution. In Hell-Ay, bubblebrains like Briskettea, I mean, Bridgetta Tomarchio, the ExtenZe Informercial Girl (a pecker enhancement pill) consider themselves Queen Bees. But here in New Amsterdam, you need beauty and brains to make it to the big time. But even if you're not an intellectual giant, being witty, condescending and cunning with a dash of hubris -- like my Fashionistas fave Bridget Helene will take you far. I was tres excited for both Bridget and Bridgetta regarding their new gigs, and I'm interested to see which buzzing beeyatch's career takes off... but I ain't betting money on either.
Speaking of Gidget -- I mean Bridget -- I saw her partner-in-crime Monsieur Laliberte in full effete (he had a coral sweater draped around his houlders) at the Hugo Boss/Interview Magazine rooftop screening and cocktail party. This guy is merely a caricature of someone like himself, I swear. It's almost like he aspires to be the gay male version of Paris Hilton, but hasn't released a sex tape yet. (Hopefully never. My buddy Scrat will kill me if I make him watch another homo-erotic rape scene like the one in Rosario Dawson's new movie Descent.) But wouldn't it be so grossly great if Kristian and Perez became a tabloid power couple? A bi-curious female gossip reporter dares to dream...
Anyway, Moby and Parker Posey mingled at the same party amongst small fries (no pun intended!) like O'Neal McKnight and DJ Cassidy. By the way, did you know Cassidy's last name is "Podell"? My friend claims to have been his counselor at a Jewish sleepaway camp in Maine. But I digress...Kelly Will, Cain King Steve Kasuba, PR mavens Markie Price of Dan Klores and Katie Reed of Patek Philippe, my homeslice Pluma Panzer making googly hands (Puh-leeze, Pluma, put him outta his misery
!) with her boytoy...and me getting texts from mine! Oh how I've missed babysitting that makes-a-clam happy camper. I also eyed singer Nelly McKay (Yay! I love her!) ,actress Laura Haring (Yay! I loved Mulholland Drive!), EIC Ingrid Sischy, Paul "I'm nothing without Chloe" Sevigny, and malecialites Fabian Basabe and Jamie Johnson (solo, later) trolling the streets of West Chelsea. Hmmmm.
Moving along to rapper Common's album release party at Marquee now...it may have been packed, but it was still a bust. The most famous faces there were Swiss Beatz, Q-Tip, Solange Knowles (cough cough!), The '80s Boys (don't ask!) and Patrick McMullan photog Chance Yeh. The night was pretty boring until I put my backpaw in my mouth not once, but twice! First I accidentally referred to The New York Daily News's Jo Piazza as a "loon" to her close friend, and later I got into a heated discussion with my own friend about the merits of People's Lesley Messer vs. Us Weekly's Leslie Bruce while the latter's best friend eavesdropped. One of these girls is hopefully never going to talk to me again, and let's just say it ain't the lovely Time Inc. employee. (It's the evil Wenner Media EIC-in-training!)
Oops, I almost forgot that Rescue Me stars Michael Lombardi and Callie Thorne were at the Hugo Boss party too. Sadly, their equally attention-starved co-stars Sherri Saum and Daniel Sunjata were M.I.A. this time. Last time I saw Sherri, her publicist was badgering her on DanSun's whereabouts. She said he constantly changes his cell phone number and she can't get a hold of him. Now why would a guy do that, I wonder?! Perhaps because big boy is a known cheating playboy and deadbeat dad in his hometown of Evanston, Illinois (just outside of Chicago). Or maybe it's because he's a 911 conspiracy theorist who's paranoid the CIA or FBI is after him. But probably it's because he's been fielding frequent crank calls from a girl he used to date and all her friends recently. But you didn't hear that from me!
On that note, I'd just like to say that our generation's tendency to rely on technology, particularly the text message and IM, as a romantic gesture or dating (i.e. "hook up") mechanism is truly pathetic. I received texts, emails and IMs from FIVE former flames this past week. Funny enough, some of these guys actually resemble each other too. Low and the The Poet both look like Matt Dillon. Low has traces of Luke Wilson, while the Poet has a dash of JFK Jr.-- as does El Guapo (who is also part-McDreamy Patrick Dempsey.) Meanwhile Van Sex Machine speaks/writes the same ghetto lingo as Billy Clubs making their texts hard to distinguish between. Which reminds me of the olden days of simultaneously dating The Wayans Brothers: Marlon and Keenan not Damon and Shawn. OK, they weren't really brothers and their last names weren't really Wayans, but it was still fun at the time.
All in all, I must admit my life is more entertaining than not. I mean, I'm not as rich or famous as Mariah Carey, but at least I still have my sanity. Thank god for celeb dermatologist Dr. Dennis Gross and his MD Skincare line. The alpha-beta peel I received at the end of the week was never more necessary. It's the best way to glow, besides the "Big O" from D.Money, ya know?
Ciao (for now) --
Misty
